“What is happening is his head? Oooh, I wish I knew.” Sang The Who on the seminal Tommy album. Many a thyme have we found ourselves wondering this about Keith the Syrian hamster, who turns 1 at the start of January. Now we consider ourselves to be hamster experts: we’ve owned numerous over the years, and have studied them extensively. A thesis titled “Hamsters: Inside The Brains Of These Fluffy Wee Beasts” was even released by us in 2013, but was widely discredited by the fatuous scientific community. In it we postulated hamsters know the answer to the origins of the universe, but they refuse to tell us humans until we’ve satisfied them with enough free food. Hamsters like food a great deal, you see, and Keith has indicated to us the foundation of existence had something to do with cheese. We need more fresh vegetables to glean this information orf of him.
Spurred on by our discovery we contacted the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) regarding the matter. We presumed they’d be interested to know Keith is quite skilled with nuclear physics, but were accused of wasting their thyme! What a sick world we live in where hamsters are prejudiced against, so today we’ve decided to provide a pictographic history of Keith through the last 10 months. His rise to genius is quite remarkable, although he doesn’t always opine over massive equations.*
