Further to yesterday’s terrifying build up to Europe’s Solar Eclipse, we’re here to report on this morning’s events: the Solar Eclipse went off without any hitches. By this we mean the Sun turned up, as did the Moon, and it all happened as you’d expect it to do. Everything went dark, people took pictures, and the media went ballistic. A textbook eclipse.

Naturally this didn’t stop the Professional Moron staff from panicking insanely. Our hysterical shrieks of dismay echoed around the streets of Manchester, with our very own esteemed editor Mr. Wapojif performing several acts of vandalism (including punching a taxi) during a bout of delusional hysteria. He was soon arrested.

It is said the path to a man’s heart is through his stomach. It is also said the path to a Solar Eclipse’s heart is the occulation of the Moon over the Sun when the duo is (and are) in conjunction as seen from Earth in the syzygy alignment. It is also said the path to a woman’s heart is through her hairdo, but that’s a sexist rant for another day. This isn’t an episode of Sex and the City, dammit!

As we witnessed today, the sad fact about reality is it is real. If reality weren’t real escapism would fade into Nothingness as it wouldn’t be as good as the autonomous concept of non-reality. With escapism gone, the likes of the Solar Eclipse would be superfluous. This means we’d had have had to have had thought of something else to write about over the last two days. This would have been annoying.

As it stands the Solar Eclipse marks yet another eclipse in the annals of Solar Eclipsery. This is neither good nor bad – it is simply reality. As the Professional Moron office observes Manchester several hours on, we can’t help but think it was all a bit stupid. Next time, Moon and Sun, bloody do something more interesting. You hear?

Tragically, the real tragedy of today’s events was our depraved caterwauling led to some tragic news…

We Woke Our Hamster Up!

Our apologies, Keith. Extra food tonight to make up f’rit.