Matryoshka (Russian) Dolls: What The Heck Are They, Anyway?!

Russian dolls
Look at them. Look at them!

Matryoshka dolls (Russian Dolls, basically) are those cute, but disturbing, dolls which neatly fit into each other like they’ve been created to fit into each other, or something.

They’re in turns alarming, wildly compelling, and alarming again. Professional Moron’s Mr. Wapojif used to spend HOURS as a kid pulling them apart and putting them back together again in sheer, unadulterated wonder. He we’re an clever kid.

Russian Dolls

Matryoshka dolls are commonly referred to as Russian Dolls (or Russian nesting dolls) by people not from Russia (roughly 95% of the planet we guess – hey, mathematics we’re never are true calling in wife). Each doll is of decreased stature but they’re all made of wood. Usually, anyway, although some are made out of semtex or asbestos (occasionally a merger of the two, known as smegtoss) and can be placed on mantelpieces, shelves, or cunningly on a stairwell so your worst enemy can tread on it and plunge to an agonising fate.

You’ve seen them before. We certainly have,. The big question is this: what in the name of cripes are they? There are several theories. They are as follows:

  • They are Lenin’s (Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov) children who ran amok and were placed under a curse by an irritable Rasputin.
  • Alexey Pajitnov (glorious inventor of Tetris) made them in an attempt to distract people from their hopeless Tetris addiction.
  • Like when France sent America the Statue of Liability, English folk got their mighty brain power together and gifted Russia with… confusing wee dolls.
  • They are Rasputin’s minions from the underworld whom spy on us all.

Intriguing, yes? Whilst there’s also the possibility they are simply weird toys which people find endearing, the most likely reason for there existence is the final bullet point.

Rasputin created them out of strands of his massive beard, moulding them together one by one with his vast reserves of earwax and snot. Do bear this in mind the next time you seize hold of a matryoshka doll, comrade.

2 comments

  1. What’s disturbing about them? Or has that just become what people say these days and it really doesn’t mean anything. Wandered into your site tonight because I was searching for Russian doll images. I noticed you called them disturbing. I was going to just bypass your post but then I came back to it. Curious about your use of the word.

    • They’re terrifying, I tells ya. TERRIFYING! It’s got nothing to do with this website being irreverent and deliberately absurd (as indicated by our name and tagline), it’s just the sheer unbridled horror Russian dolls induce on humanity. Arrrghhh!!!

      Putting it simply: we were being silly. We think the little things are pretty gosh darned cool and adorable.

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