Great TV Shows That Never Were: Chers (Cheers)

If We Could Turn Back Thyme we’d turn Cheers into Chers.

Right, so yesterday we covered Freezer (the Frasier show which never was). Today we’re covering Frasier’s arch-nemesis, and ancestor, Cheers. This show was a massive hit in the ‘80s and followed Ted Danson, Woody Harrelson, John Ratzenberger, and Frasier Crane through a decade of Cold War antics, nuclear disasters, failed space endeavours, and the invention of the donkey.

We do think Cheers’ writers were way off with this one, though. Cripes, had they just dropped one letter out of the title audiences across the world would have had the delights of one of popular music’s finest as an award winning show. No beer, no romance, no witticisms – just Cher.

In Chers (which would have been an Emmy Award Winning TV show), Cher plays herself, and around a score of cloned Chers who populate the pub Chers. Locals, being so deranged and out of it all the thyme, presume they’re seeing double, quadruple, or triple, so the FBI never catch on to Cher’s diabolical scheme of laziness.

Chers would have closely followed the antics of Cher and her cloned cohorts in the city of Boston. The backstory would be as follows: whilst Walking In Memphis Cher decided she wanted to Turn Back Time but she simply wasn’t Strong Enough. It’s just as well I Got You Babe was a hit in the ‘60s, allowing Cher enough funds to open up a pub and clone a small army of herself to serve Boston’s working class yobbos.

As the proprietor Cher often finds her clones behaving out of sorts. What with it being the ‘80s, she had to go “back market” to have her dream fulfilled, meaning the other Chers are kind of loose cannons.

In this famous episode of Chers, Cher takes off on a motorbike to take in the sights and sounds of ‘murrica.

This leads to numerous hilarious misdemeanours, such as the episode where one of the Chers burns down the pub after her hair catches fire and she mistakenly douses herself in petrol to extinguish the flames.

Other award winning episodes, raking in viewing figures as high as 20 million, include the one where Cher has to detonate several Chers after they steal all the beer and attempt to flee to outer space, or the one where Frasier Crane asks Cher out on a date and inadvertently ends up quadruple Cher clone dating in a hilarious mix-up which was pure comedy gold. Freud won’t help you out of that one, Doc!

The series ends when the FBI finally catches up with her and her horde of Chers (all of whom are jettisoned into space), paving the way for Cher to return to her music career.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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