Let us return to a time when simple objects could keep one occupied. Indeed, the above ghastly picture is of a toy puppet which used to occupy a very young Mr. Wapojif in the early 1990s. Astonishing, isn’t it, how something so simple could entertain someone so simple?

These days Mr. Wapojif can only be pacified by playing Mario Kart 8 on his Wii U whilst simultaneously watching Breaking Bad on Netflix, browsing through StumbleUpon on his iPhone, checking texts on his Apple Watch, playing World of Goo on his iPad, shouting abuse at his neighbours, and watching BBC News 24 Hours on his second television. His monthly electricity bill is £3,000.

Let us rejoice, then, about the good old days when a badly made plastic puppet (there are four finger slots on the back to contort the beast’s face) of a grotesquely ugly dude (who looks a bit like the wonky eyed chap from The Goonies) could keep a young lad happy. Bless!