A Brief History of the Plastic Bag

Plastic bags
Without plastic bags, how will we carry our shopping?! HOW!?

Plastic bags were not banned in the UK last week, but they were removed from checkout areas in favour of a 5p charge per bag. This is in place to encourage people to rely less on plastic bags, favouring other items such as man bags, handbags, Bags For Life, and even, shock horror, their limbs!

Apparently it takes a plastic bag 1,000 years to dissolve, or whatever the correct scientific term is. Whilst this is disastrous for our current environment, it’ll be really great for archaeologists in the future. They’ll find all these plastic bags and go, “Gee whizz, them olden days folks sure lacked additional limbs to carry their shopping!” The people of the future will have robotic arms grafted onto their shoulder blades, you see.

It appears the plastic bag could well be on its way back. Er, out (we apologise for the error in the first sentence of this paragraph). In 10 years time we may well all go, “Gee whizz, remember plastic bags?!” in a nostalgic reverie. They’ll be akin to pet rocks, pogs, cornflakes with banana chunks pre-packed in them, Robert De Niro acting in classic movies (we went there), and Blockbuster.

They started out life replacing paper bags, which were ineffective and outright bloody dangerous! Business brains got together and thought, “Gee whizz, how can we make these things even more dangerous whilst providing an almighty kick in the balls to the environment?” Thusly the plastic bag was born, and ‘twas a happy day!

That was 1954, the year before 1955, and in the subsequent decades plastic bags gradually took over the world. Indeed, by 1990 there were 100 billion plastic bags in existence, and it’s now believed there are more plastic bags on Earth than there are planets in the universe! An astonishing possible fact we just made an uneducated guess about.

Sadly, the time has come for common sense to prevail. The plastic bag is on its way out, and as humans we’re going to have to use our brains to think of a sensible solution. That would be the grown up thing to do, but instead we’re going to curl up in a ball on the floor and have a melancholic temper tantrum.

So join us today in commemorating the plastic bag! Mr. Wapojif has many fond memories of them: that time in 2005 when he used one to carry home his shopping, that occasion in 1999 when he only bought a chocolate bar and used a plastic bag for it anyway, and the one he nabbed the other week to use repeatedly from now on in. You can’t buy memories like that. Well, you can, but these days it’ll cost you 5p. Indeed.

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