Exclusive Invention: ReHearse (private rehearsing in a hearse!)

The ReHearse - Rehearse in a hearse
Of course there’s room for your whole band in the back of a hearse!

Do you ever struggle to find a place to rehearse? Be it a play you’ve penned, a gig you’re practicing for, or your autonomous dance event you’ve got planned, finding a private place to bust out your grooves is one of the most difficult propositions and pressing concerns known to modern humanity (above even climate change and global warfare)!

The fantastic news is we’ve come up with an invention which will solve all of your rehearsing based woes. With the ReHearse, you’ll be able to pack into a cosy, homely hearse and rehearse until your heart is goddamn content (or you keel over dead from exhaustion, which would be apt – it’d also be a time saver!). Don’t delay – get in touch with Professional Moron today to perfect your timing and leave the critics agog with grog.

The ReHearse

With a fleet of recently converted hearses, we launched our ReHearse service in the spring of May 2017. To date, we’ve been met with public outrage and contempt in equal measure! One bloke even called us a “bunch of degenirates” on our Facebook page – we pointed out he spelt degenerates wrong, but this only seemed to incense him further. To calm him down, we offered him a free hour in a ReHearse – he’s now busying himself with our complaints procedure. Every reputable company has one!

Our service offers performance artists the chance to find a quiet spot and really nail down their act. For £100 ($150) an hour, you can, for instance, pile your amps, drum kit, and band members into the back of one of our luxuriously converted hearses to really bust out your chops – for an extra £50 ($70) an hour, we’ll even get our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, to drive you around as you play. Exhilarating!

The hearses are decked out in soundproof walls so your pathetic attempts at formulating genius can’t be heard by the outside world. Crammed into the small space, you’ll barely be able to stand, but you will be safe in the knowledge no neighbours will be threatening you with noise complaints to the local pigs (i.e. law enforcement).

I’m Dying To Try This!

Of course you are! The ReHearse is a state of the art vehicle which will also put you in a maudlin mood. What’s better than to fuel your creativty other than a bout of manic depression? That’s what the ReHearse provides, but if for some reason (i.e. you’re mentally unstable) you’re giddy about the prospect, we’ll provide you with a copy of Titanic to ensure you get weepy real soon. Jack just couldn’t fit on that bit of wood. Goddamn…

Anyway, we’re in business now and you can book your rehearsal any time you want. Just drop us a line. Do note, we haven’t been officially approved as a business yet so, technically, what we’re doing is illegal (we’re trying to dodge on tax expenditure), so please be covert about your antics to benefit from our salubrious service. Remember – life isn’t a rehearsal, but it kind of is if you’re rehearsing. Book now!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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