Some numbers are just gross, which is why gross numbers exist to point out the most disgusting of the lot. It’s easy to spot a gross number, even if you’re, like, rubbish at maths – gross numbers are the ones which kick up a big old stink. They smell of BO, primarily as primary numbers (being the superior digits) refuse to lend them deodorant and whatnot. So, technically, it’s the fault of the primary numbers, but we’re in a prejudiced mood today so we’re going to blame gross numbers anyway.

As gross numbers are somewhat ostracised from society due to their grossness, we think it’s a good idea to lay into them today in order to hammer home the genuine importance of mindless bigotry. Gross numbers are gross – let’s keep it this way. Thusly, we’re pointing out the grossest of gross numbers to make an example of them. Indeed, this is why you bathe every day, humans. Keep up the good work.

The Grossest Gross Numbers

What are the grossest numbers and who decides which are the grossest? Well, it’s pretty simple – you deduct the finite total from the economic backlash of the recession and you’ll, consequently, end up with a massive spreadsheet filled with numbers. In there, you’ll find your gross numbers. It’s easy to identify them – they’re the ones that stink. Here are but a few.

6

Six (also known as 6) is, arguably, the grossest number of them all. Six is the type of number which promotes antipathy and hatred on an international scale. When you have 666, you know you have met your maker – if you have a six figure wage, you are likely a despicable bastard. Avoid six like the plague, as it is rotten to the core.

7

If you thought six was bad, wait until you catch a whiff of seven! In several countries, some people are too afraid to even pronounce the opening letter of this word due to PTSD caused by the stench. Seven has a lot to answer for. It’s too busy being gross to bother responding.

13.5

Thirteen and a half – is there a number which will put the fear of God into you more so than this? We suggest not. It’s the dithering nature of it which is so grotesque – it’s not a glass half full or half empty type of deal. Indeed, pessimism and optimism are unknown entities to 13.5 as this is simply one cold, bleak, nihilistic, and putrid number which you should avoid at all costs.

111

Cripes, this number terrifies us. Just look at its clinical perfection – 111. Not 112, but 111 – three ones! This number is gross not due to its stench, but due to its perfection. It is a facinorous assault on humanity and to behold it is to leave one quaking in despair. Indeed, just last week our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, hailed and bus – to his horror, as it drew forth, it was the number 111 to Greater Manchester. It was a week until we could coax him down from the hills, out of hiding and back into society.

1111

Holy crap, it gets worse! 1111 is the grossest known number in the Universe. This abomination has been responsible for 1111 wars, 1111 warts, 1111 warbles, 1111 warehouses (malfunctioning ones), 1111 erroneous arrest warrants, 1111 warning signs that broke, 1111 warm days which made 1111 people a bit uncomfortable in the heat, 1111 warmblooded animals which would have preferred to have been coldblooded, 1111 nuclear warheads, and 1111 worrywarts who make other people feel a bit anxious.

Conclusion

Gross numbers are gross and you should not trust them. If one appears on your calculator, destroy the device immediately and call for an ambulance (or the police). To protect yourself from gross numbers, always brush your teeth and steer well clear of mathematics as much as humanly possible. All the best, comrades.