Mushy peas are popular in England. They’re peas which have been mushed up. Typically, $300 million Hollywood blockbusters aren’t dedicated in any way to mushy peas, which we find a tad disappointing. Thusly, we’re redressing the balance in a fit of spiteful causticity by taking a load of classics and ruining them by adding in mushy peas. If you need to pee before reading this article, by the way, that’s fine and dandy.
The Silence of the Mushy Peas
Sometimes, those mushy peas are just too goddamn loud and need to be silenced, enter good cop, bad cop duo Jodie Foster and Sir Anthony Hopkins to kick mushy pea butt.
All About Mushy Peas
It’s all about mushy peas in this film, which was the direct sequel to 1950 classic All About Eve. The sequel tanked.
Beauty and the Mushy Peas
What’s more beautiful, Brad Pitt wearing lipstick and a nice dress, or mushy peas? We go with the latter.
Gone With the Mushy Peas
This film is about a wife waking up one morning to find her husband has scarpered with all the mushy peas. The bastard! Then begins a film about vengeance and retribution as the wife hunts down that SOB to stick his head on a spike.
Mushy Peas Park
Jeff Goldblum stars in this fable about why mankind (as opposed to womankind) shouldn’t make an amusement park where all the attractions are not only about mushy peas, but made from them as well. Disaster.
The Guardians of the Mushy Peas
Sometimes those mushy peas just need guarding and some brave soles are willing to put their lives on the line in the name of peas… that are mushed.
The Passion of the Mushy Peas
If, like us, you have a passion for mushy peas then this is the film for you.
Batman v Mushy Peas: Dawn of Justice
The versus match-off the fans had been screaming for, in this film Ben Affleck takes on a vat of mushy peas, along with Lex Luthor, a jar of urine, and someone called Martha is also involved. Super, man!
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Mushy Peas
Yeah. Peter Jackson directed this, yadda yadda blah, it went on for far too long and there weren’t enough peas.
12 Angry Mushy Peas
A dozen utterly furious mushy pea containers rage throughout this legendary comedy about peas, mush, and anger. It won 37 Oscars, including “Best Mushy Pea Screenplay”. Well done.
The Green Mushy Peas
Tom Hanks stars as a prison warden for delinquent mushy peas on death row. One batch of mushy peas has special powers that can turn wine into snot, so they decide to execute him first. This one is a real weepy.
Back to the Mushy Peas
Time travel in the name of mushy peas has never been so awesome. It’s the power of mushy peas and one of those DeLorean things. Plus, an old guy called Doc. And peas.
Singin’ in the Mushy Peas
Sing songs in the mushy peas, eh? This fabulous Hollywood classic required 35 tonnes of mushy peas to create the famous dance number. When they ran out, the crew had to blow their noses into hankys and this snot residue helped finish the shoot.
The Bridge on the Mushy Peas
Alec Guinness gives it his all in this film about why bridges shouldn’t be build on a mass of mushy peas. May the force be with you, Ewan McGregor!
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Mushy Peas
This black comedy is legendary for reigniting everyone’s love for mushy peas and nuclear weaponry. A fabulous mix!