It’s 1967 and Dustin Hoffman is well fit and all that, so Mrs. Robinson decides to try and hook up with the young one. Trouble is, he’s onto her game. Hence, we end up with one of the all time great film quotes. You know what it is, it’s up there in the post title – go back and have a look if you’re still a bit confused.
Anne Bancroft starred as Mrs. Robinson, whose seductive ways attempt to seduce the seduceable seduction machine that is Benjamin Braddock (Hoffers). He’s a bit stuttering and nervous, though, which makes you wonder… what if that drink had gone straight to his head and he’d mumbled something weird? That’d been funny. Let’s take a look at what could have happened!
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me. Aren’t you?
The original in all its perverted glory. Here we have a nervous Benjamin stalking about the place like a nervous stalk. Mrs. Robinson is the wily, manipulative cowbag here and you just know she’s in total control. That’s what smoking cigarettes does for you, kids!
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to offer orange juice to me. Aren’t you?
With a pathological fear of orange juice, this doesn’t sit very well with young Benjamin.
NB: We're ditching the "aren't you" bit (most of the time, anyway) from the rest of this post as it just wasn't doing it for us. If you're offended, please direct all complaints to your nearest wall.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to reproduce me
In this sci-fi version of the film (the script was rejected, sadly), Mrs. Robinson’s plan is to reproduce Benjamin as another version of herself so she can use Benjamin to do all the housework for her husband. Neato.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to salute me
No, Benjamin, nothing as weird as that is going on here. Saluting is reserved for more formal occasions only.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to pollute me
Well, let’s see. Alcohol? Check? Indecent proposals? Check. Entering into an illicit affair? Check. That’s polluting someone all right.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to execute me
Naive Benjamin completely misreads the situation and, poor soul, believes he’s about to be hung, drawn, and quartered. Not quite a cogent observation there, dude.
Mr. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me
Believing Mrs. Robinson to actually be Mr. Robinson in drag, Benjamin tries out this linguistic trickery to see if he can unearth the truth.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to introduce me
Introduce you to what, Benjamin? Alcohol? Affairs? Life? Something like that, yes.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to tattoo me
Amateur tattooist Mrs. Robinson views young Benjamin as test opportunity. Surely she can create a work of inky art on his glorious forehead?
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to recruit me
Maybe Mrs. Robinson was trying to hire Benjamin to “bump off” her husband. Ever thought about that? After some training, we’re sure he’d have been a great hitman.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to confuse me
That’s a given, Benjamin, you’re already there. She wins. You lose.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re installment buying to seduce me. Aren’t you?
There’s nothing wrong with installment buying, Benjamin, it’s a proven tactic to purchase something over the longterm.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re rhyming to seduce me
Would have been a different film if she’d busted out some gangsta rap to get Benjamin out of his underpants. Indeed.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to be abstruse with me. Aren’t you?
She is indeed, Benjamin. She is indeed.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to sluice me
Depends how badly you stink, Benjamin. You look a bit sweaty in that scene. No one likes man bloke BO stench, you know?
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce pee
What pee? Did you just wet your pants, Benjamin? Oh, bloody hell. She really is trying to seduce pee! Well, half man, half pee. Disgusting boy.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce brie
Well, it is one of the more romantic cheeses. Who wouldn’t give it a go?
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce a Christmas tree
Benjamin, a bit drunk after his one and only drink, is on a merry trip to whirly vomit land. Not before he hallucinates it some, though.
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce Vitamin C
Okay, he’s really lost it now, the stupid git.
Mrs. Robinson, your lion’s trying to seduce me
Probably illegal, but if the film had been about a flirtatious lion trying to marry Dustin Hoffman then it would have been… probably not Oscar worthy material.