All of us have been there – you’re listening to a song, but it’s one of those tracks that doesn’t have an end. Instead, it starts to fade out as the song continues. If you’re like us, this should trigger off an existential crisis. What, exactly, happens to the rest of the song when it fades out? Does it continue into perpetuity? Is the band doomed to play it forever more? How much will that cost the record label from a studio time perspective?

It’s estimated songs that fade out cost record studios $77 billion annually. This is due to a respective band’s confusion on when to stop playing (many continue on for 24+ hours until a band member drops dead through exhaustion), merged with a producer’s inability to recognise when a song should end. This torrid state of affairs must end, unlike the fade out song… which doesn’t end! Thusly, Professional Moron is championing a movement to stop songs from fading out. Who’s with us!?

Fade Out Songs

Fade out songs pose a serious issue for surviving members of a band fortunate to make it through the recording process. The issue is this: upon playing the song live, how does one end it? In the early days of rock music, some bands simply couldn’t work it out and went on marathon jamming sprees that left many audience members dead through boredom and exhaustion. More importantly, many band members would also die.

After these tragedies, some bands briefed roadies with tactics to ensure they could end troublesome songs. Tricks such as the following were employed:

• Pulling the plug on equipment and pretending there’s a power shortage
• Roadies running on stage, assaulting a band member, and legging it – the band then pretends there’s been a stage invasion from some hooligan and cancel the gig
• The band stop jarringly, ruining the performance

The latter tactic became popular and remains the most cogent technique to end the issues with fade out songs. However, it’s evident many producers are still using the production technique in studio to bring songs to an end! If you’re not morally outraged by this, then you bloody well should be.

Support Songs

For any confused producers out there who can’t figure this out, you simply have to take ownership. It’s part of your job! And YOU, the public! Don’t let this stand! Any song that is forced into perpetuity lives a horrible life – dribbling on and on into existence as no one can hear it. Why? As they’re listening to the next track on the playlist, whilst the fade out song leads its bleak, existential existence.

As such, to end this state of affairs, we’ve created a charity called F*** Antisocial Recording Techniques (FART) and we need your help. Please send us all of your money, so we can start the Professional Moron band and release no fade out songs. We intend to produce an album with 300 songs, none of which will fade out. This will be our grand statement to the music industry.