The Great Wall of China is big… but it won’t be as big as the Great Wall of Chins. This is our latest invention, soon-to-be tourist attraction, and overall spectre of chin-based excellence. Let’s face it – we all love a good chin. Whether it’s got a dimple in it or it’s razor sharp defined like with Matt Damon, chins make the world go round in the way, for instance, the big toe simply cannot.
Now, we appreciate making a wall out of chins would be immoral. Where would we all be in a world with surgically removed chins? Looking a bit weird, that’s where. Imagine if we had an alien invasion and we’re all there with no chins looking stupid – not even a stirring speech from President Thomas J. Whitmore would help save the day on that occasion. Thusly, we’ve gone for a wall made out of papier-mâché chins. And it will be glorious!
The Great Wall of Chins
Construction began yesterday outside the Professional Moron office in Salford Quays of Manchester. Last week, our apprentice was forced at gunpoint to make a load of the chins, which he’s now deliriously constructing (he hasn’t consumed any water in five days – LOL!) with a hammer, some nails, and some glue. It’s looking good so far and, after official measurements, is currently just over four feet in length.
Our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, has been patrolling the rampart armed with a deadly plastic knife whilst wearing a protective Reni hat. Why? Well, the idea of the Great Wall of Chins is to fend off nomads (i.e. chavs) running riot in the area – when confronted by what will eventually be a 50 mile long wall of chins, they’ll be overwhelmed in terror and flee back to their hovels to have a pint of cider and a Pot Noodle sandwich.
But the Great Wall of Chins will be much more than a symbol of crushing terror. It’ll be one of the top landmarks in all of England, bringing tourists from across the globe to arrive, stare, and scratch their chins in postmodern confusion. They’ll be able to walk across the chin wall and learn new things about chins.
Indeed, Mr. Wapojif has already produced a series of fliers about what makes chins and walls so special. The chins in the wall will be made of normal chins, but also cleft chins – the dimple ones. We feel this avoids any discrimination against those freaks who have that, like Luke Skywalker and Ben Affleck, but there will also be double chins created to act as a haunting reminder of the morbid obesity epidemic screeching across the world.
The Average Wall of Ankles
If the Great Wall of Chins is an unprecedented success, we’ll use the money to build a lesser wall (to highlight the greatness of the chin wall) called the Average Wall of Ankles. This will be a homage, of sorts, to ankles. It’ll stretch alongside the Great Wall of Chins, but it’ll look a bit rubbish as it will mainly consist of that knobbly bit ankles have.
To make it less great, but also educational, certain sections of the ankle wall will depict the full onset of gout. Enormously inflamed and throbbing a peculiar shade of red, it’ll force tourists to scale this section of the wall (ironically, anyone with gout will be unable to do so) in order to continue their journey towards the other end of Manchester.
Upon alighting either wall, customers are then forced to walk five miles on foot from Oldham (where the walls end) back into the city centre. Hey, it’s £3 ($100 – Americans are rich, what will they know?) a go, you get what you pay for! Enjoy.