RoboCop was released in 1987 and is about a robotic cop. Directed by Paul Verhoeven, it and several of his other films (Total Recall springs to mind) are surprisingly excellent, satirical looks at greed, capitalism, power, crime, the media, human nature, and gentrification.
There’s also a bloody RoboCop in it, just in case you find all that preceding stuff boring as Hell!
Peter Weller stars as the eponymous metallic monstrosity. The famous line he reels off in monotonous excellence had us thinking… would RoboCop really have perfected diction and grammar right off the bat?
We mean, surely there would have been teething issues with this beta model – say, a few malfunctions in its vocabulary every now and then? Well, if Omni Consumer Products (OCP) is denying it, we dug up the dirt to reveal the truth!
Dead or alive, you’re coming with me
The original in all its glory. It’s a pretty clear statement – you’ll be going with him whether you’re dead or alive. We suppose you could request an unconscious “going with him”, if he whacks you round the head, or something. Yeah.
Dead or alive, your coming with me
Seriously, mate, there’s no need for messing it up like that. A multi-million dollar robot and it can’t get fundamental grammar right – for shame!
Alive or dead, you’re coming with me
“Dead or alive” – “Alive or dead”… must have been really tough making the call between those two. Thank cripes we don’t ever have to make a big decision like that. Getting it wrong would haunt you for the rest of your days.
Dead or dead, you’re coming with me
Well… that’s pretty abrupt, isn’t it? He might as well just grunt in that robotic, redundant voice: “I’m going to kill you…” or some such. Don’t beef it up into something it’s not, RoboCop! Oscar Wilde you are not.
In bed or a hive, you’re coming with me
Most criminals don’t hang out in a hive, RoboCop… unless you’ve got something against bees. If you do, that’s a pretty irrational hatred, right there.
Bread or chives, you’re coming with me
Presumably, as RoboCop hasn’t eaten for a fair old while (being dead and all that), he’s thinking about the foods he well and truly loves. Such as chives.
Dead or alive, you’re becoming my knee
A pretty horrendous fate for any criminal, being transformed into one of RoboCop’s new kneecaps. Cripes… enough to send a shiver down your spine!
Dead or alive, you’re humming with me
Oh cripes, do we really have to, RoboCop? Besides, what are you going to hum in that unappealing communication style of yours? I Should Be So Lucky? The Wheels on the Bus? Beethoven’s ninth? Just stick to mechanical whirring, that’s what you’re best out. Know your limits!
Dead or alive, I’m a bumble bee
What’s with the bloody bees, man? Leave them alone! You don’t need their honey, just munch on a sugar cube, or something.
Dead or alive, you’re drumming with me
Coldblooded criminals aren’t renowned for their drumming abilities, RoboCop, but you could teach them, we guess…
Dead or alive, I’m eating some ghee
Okay, so he’s hungry again. But… ghee? Why ghee, RoboCop? Why not just have a cucumber sandwich, for example? If you sit there stuffing ghee into what’s left of your face, you’ll get the stuff all over your robo suit. Think logically, please.
Dead or alive, you’re stunning to me
Well, part of that is weird, RoboCop, but it’s a borderline romantic comment. Well done, we guess, it’s better than your average man, anyway.
Dead or alive, you’re hugging me
Okay… the criminals you’ve wiped out can’t really hug you, Robocop. They’re dead. We suppose you could hold one of their maimed corpses against you and that, sort of, qualifies as a hug. Really, you’re not going to struggle to find a living human to hug you. Just threaten to blow them away with your super gun and they’ll be panic-stricken into huggability mode!
Dead or alive, I really need to pee
As Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park most famously said: “When you gotta go, you gotta go.” That’s goddamn right, whether you’re a robot, male, non-male, or RoboCop.