The plague isn’t something we should laugh at. We weren’t far off from it wiping out humanity during the Black Death. But, hey, that was ages ago! So, let’s put all that behind us and ruin some famous films. We’re reimagining them with a plague-friendly theme. And, gosh, isn’t that just super?
You’ve Got Plague
It’s 1999 and Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have got plague. Bugger.
Gone with the Plague
This cinema classic features the legendary line: “Frankly my dear, I don’t… *begins violent coughing fit as buboes pulsate across forehead, before falling over dead*” They don’t make them like that no more.
“I love the smell of plague in the morning. It smells like… plague.” Well, anti-plague protesters don’t stand for that. Hippies holding banners reading “Plague Later!” are seen across the world. You go, girl!
“Plague finds a way…” quips Dr. Ian Malcolm. And he’s right. As this inexplicable theme park encourages visitors to get the plague. A commercial disaster, the park soon closes and everyone concerned with the project is sent to jail. But then they all die of plague anyway, so the life sentences were a bit pointless.
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Plague
It’s Luke Skywalker to the rescue as he tries to defeat the evil Empire. Unfortunately, a plague outbreak pretty much curtails both sides.
Back to the Plague
Doc invents a time machine so he can go back to plague times. No one knows why. Guess he just really likes the plague. What a freak of nature.
Plaugein’ in the Rain
Legendary musical with some bloke doubled over in agony trying to sing about having plague in the rain. Critics criticised the
The first rule of this club is you don’t live long enough to talk about Plague Club. Oh well. Enjoy your membership whilst it lasts.
Al Pacino in a career-defining role as a gangster with a plague-ridden face. Gross.
500 Days of Plague
Zooey Deschanel tries to inject a sense of quirk into this Hipster romantic comedy, but the disastrous inclusion of plague in the script ruins everything. After 500 days of plague, everything is crap. Not even The Smiths can save you now.
The 40-Year-Old Plague
This plague is 40-years-old and has never had a date! That’s because it keeps killing anything that goes near it. But once it hooks up with a virulent strain of smallpox, the two hit it off and have plague-pox babies. Adorable!
50 First Plagues
Adam Sandler’s misguided romantic comedy about the 50 first plagues in history. Drew Barrymore is his love interest. But not for long, as plague wipes out all before it!
There’s Something About Plague
Cameron Diaz dazzles momentarily in this Ben Stiller flick, which only lasts for 25 minutes as there’s just something about the plague that really truncates matters.
My Big Fat Plague Wedding
Who holds a wedding where you get married to the plague? Well, this stupid fool did. What an imbecile. Doesn’t make it to the honeymoon, unfortunately, due to plague.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Plagues
This misandrist media text teaches women how to lose an annoying guy. Hint: Plague is somewhat handy. Or, you know, you could just send him a text going, “eye fink Wii shud sea uvver peepz soz bae butt yew cray… :o(” – or just chuck his clothes out into the street. Or burn him to the ground. Just a few suggestions there, ladies, take your pick.