Jeremy Irons in the Dungeons and Dragons film

A tribute today to Jeremy Irons in a film we haven’t seen. But we really do love the clip from it—below. Masterful delivery.


Now, this was a Dungeons and Dragons film from 2000. It’s not a series (as in board game or otherwise) we’ve indulged in.

But, we sure as heck love the above bit. Because that—that’s the type of acting that gets you on the Professional Moron blog. Kudos, Irons. Ironing kudos!

It reminds us, in many ways, of our old cushIron invention. In which, we suggested Jeremy Irons promote our highly unstable household product. He declined our offers.

In the meantime, this thing is just a film he entered to, and we quote, fund the castle he wanted to live in. This is England, after all.

So a one off thing for him, but a rather forgettable (if not lamentable) experience for everyone else.

Primarily fans of the board game, we believe, who found the whole thing utterly underwhelming.

Despite a pretty massive budget, studio interference got in the way. And, in general, it looks pretty bad now.

Especially when you consider Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings stuff came out a year later. They’ll have been filming it (as in Jackson) when this D&D thing took place.

To be fair, it looks like a Disaster Artist “so bad its good” type of deal.

We learned about the film from Cynical Reviews on YouTube—his feedback is very enjoyable. On crap films in general, he always digs out some fun ones.

We’re geeks. But we’re not quite the Dungeons and Dragons level. That’s proper geek. And we have respect for that.

Otherwise, it’s just a bit odd seeing an actor of Irons’ calibre in the film. But we know he must have received good pay for it.

Irons is a terrific actor—usually. Here he is in Margin Call (2011). It’s about the 2008 financial crash.

As for Dungeons and Dragons, we really like this idea of blood raining from the sky.

And we think his Dungeons and Dragons quote was much more suited to this scene. But, there you go, capitalism is all about denial. That and… blood raining from the sky. Nice.

But it’s that sort of absurd, over the top delivery that we do think works.

And without Irons, that film would have been a forgettable disaster. With him in it? Well, it’s memorable.

Not for the best reason, but for a reason. At least that’s something.


  1. I never saw this movie, though I used to play D&D (sort of). When I say ‘sort of’, I mean the group I was in decided the TSR rules were far too serious and to write our own, in which silly things happened. A lot. We also drew our own map with place names filched from Bored Of The Rings, motorcycle parts manufacturers and 1980s synth-pop band, song and album names. As I recall there were also nine demons that could be summoned by over-use of certain words, and who dealt to characters by taunting them in an outrageous French accent. I think a movie needs to be made, and if somebody wants to send me around $100 million, I can probably arrange something…

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a notoriously bad film, but Jeremy Iron’s wildly OTT performance appears to make it all worthwhile. As for your movie idea, I think you should make a cheap YouTube short to get the idea off the ground. Then it’ll be the $100 million budget, which you’ll lose $50 million of hiring two big name actors.

      Liked by 1 person

      • There’s also the small matter of my $50 million directors’ fee, but that still leaves $2.98 for special effects which I suspect is better than some movies have had. I already have a script for the short:

        Exterior, fantasy landscape, day.
        [FX: Braaaaaaaam]
        Arnie: I am off to the far land of Dianadors.
        Stallone: Why does every place name end in -or? Backdor. Twodor. Fordor. Dianadors?
        Arnie: I’ll be back.
        [FX: Braaaaaaaam.]

        Liked by 1 person

        • Right, so that includes funding Hans Zimmer for his soundtrack skills as well? I can see how some films just go off the rails, really, when some big star hoards 40% of the budget. Although Big Arnie is a bit cheaper these days.

          Liked by 1 person

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