The Procession to Calvary: Point-and-Click Meets Monty Python

The Procession to Calvary
Process this!

The Procession to Calvary (2020) is a glorious oddity in the world of indie games. Merging Terry Gilliam’s style of animations from Monty Python with… silly Monty Python type humour. Hurray!

The result is a point-and-click adventure that looks unlike anything else, thanks to its Renaissance artwork and epic soundtrack. Again, hurray!

The Procession to Calvary and a Renaissance of Crude Humour

Yes, then, if you’ve ever seen an episode of Monty Python’s Flying Circus you’ll be familiar with Gilliam’s astonishingly surreal cutout animation.

You can also see it in films such as The Life of Brian (1979).

And that’s what Joe Richardson did for The Procession to Calvary. He made everything in the game! Including the animation, which was taken from Renaissance artwork to meticulously piece together the point-and-click romp.

Richardson describes himself as follows:

“Hello my name’s Joe Richardson. I make small logic-driven worlds because the overwhelming chaotic disgusting beautiful unfathomable mess of the real world scares the shit out of me. I call my worlds games and you can play with them and you might have fun. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

In the Procession to Calvary, the game begins at the end of a war. The North is victorious over the South. And you take control of an unnamed female character who’s rather fond of murder.

However, the enemy Heavenly Peter has fled back south!

Your character decides she wants to continue this murdering lark and invents a way for her to go and slay Heavenly Peter. Well, hurrah!

And so, it’s your job as the player to point-and-click her on her merry way to slake her desire for bloodlust. Here’s how it all plays out early on.

So, yeah, standard point-and-click fair along the lines of the legendary The Curse of Money Island (1997). Or more recent efforts such as the stunning Papetura (2021).

The key difference here is the crude humour.

Now, yes, the Monkey Island series is very funny. The procession to Calvary is more Monty Python, though, with lots of silly and crude humour.

It’s a funny game, for sure, poking jabs at the brutal way of things back in the good old days.

As with Gilliam, a lot of the jokes are visual and based on some of the Renaissance art being adapted in… unusual ways. We mean, some of it is just flat-out inspired levels of lunacy. As Richardson has been happy to point out.

It’s one curious world you enter to solve puzzles and revel in it. Definitely one of the most bizarre games we’ve ever played.

And that means it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. We also think it’d benefit from a voice cast to go with the dialogue, but we guess that’s a budget thing for Richardson.

Otherwise, top marks for creativity. And extra points for going the extra mile to be as extra weird as humanly possible.

If you like the look of the trailer and think, ” Hell yeah, baby!” Then it’s absolutely worth a go! Short but sweet, it’s a visual treat and a technical marvel.

The game is available on Steam, macOS, PS4, Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and Android. And it’s well worth of your time, sir or madam!

Trilogy Closer: Death of the Reprobate!

Oh yes, the good news is there’s another one on the way!

Richardson announced in late 2021 he’s working on what will be the trilogy closer. The first game is called Four Last Things and launched in 2017.

Presumably, based on the timeframes involved, we can expect the trilogy closer in 2023. So, we’ll see! And we’ll keep a Renaissance type eyeball out for its arrival.

Some of the Classical Tunes in The Procession to Calvary

Finally, we’re going to close on some of the epic classical numbers that make up the soundtrack to The Procession to Calvary.

Above there’s Bach: Cello Suite No. 3 in C Major, Bourrée I and II. To note, the game actually only uses small snippets of each piece put on a loop.

Also, to note again, it’s not the only video game to have elements of classical music in the soundtrack. Earthworm Jim 2 is the first we can think of doing that, back in 1995.

But here’s another piece. It’s Scarlatti’s Sonata in E Minor K11 (L352). The nimble-fingered performance here is by Taso Comanescu. Not bad, eh?

Also in game there’s The Stars and Stripes Forever, which is one of John Philip Sousa’s nifty little numbers.

Those numbers were in the public domain in the 1960s, so Monty Python used them (see TV show opening theme music) to keep budget costs down on the show. Obviously, they’re pretty iconic now (but not in the way Sousa ever expected).

Bach figures heavily in the game, too, with a segment of Brandenburg Concerto No. 2 in F major, BWV 1047, I. Allegro.

So yeah, there we go! Video games. Not just for children and immature reprobates who need to get a girlfriend. Who’d have thought it!?


    • Glad you like! I might do a post soon on Video Games For People Who Don’t Play Video Games.

      Stuff like this, Unpacking, Tetris, Mario Kart. It’s very therapeutic and fun when you get into it.

      Liked by 1 person

          • For sure. On my own experience I venture to suggest (channelling Jeeves) that Borderlands 2 is better than Borderlands 1 by more than HL 2 is better than HL. Some of the BL2 jokes don’t make sense unless you’ve played Borderlands 1 AND its main DLC, the General Knox add on. But I’d put BL2 among one of the top-written games so far, and the depth of world-development never seems to stop giving. It also has one of the best-developed antagonists EVAH. I mean, the guy is oblivious in so many identifiably human ways to the fact that he’s blatantly a narcissistic and delusional psychopath… (this is only a mild spoiler – the game has THAT much character development in its structure.)

            Liked by 1 person

            • I shall hunt this SOB down on my Switch… or Steam! It’s 20 squid on Steam. Not bad at all. That’s the problem with the digital era, though. You can’t STEAL games these days. Back in my day of the ’90s, the good old days, you could leg it into a shop, grab as much as you could, and leg it. Can’t do that no more.

              Liked by 1 person

              • Definitely worth it & that should get you all the DLC’s and add-ons. The ‘Pre-sequel’ is also worth a look if it’s cheap enough – same game engine, same style, developed by Gearbox Australia and chock full of crass Aussie cultural in-jokes that are hilarious to anybody from the UK or NZ but probably run straight over the heads of anybody in the US, China, or Namibia.

                Liked by 1 person

                • I shall be getting this pronto, then! I remember when it came out thinking I should get it and then, like, 10 years suddenly passed and it’s… oops. Better late than never!


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