Notes on a Scandal was a 2003 work that led to a 2006 film starring Cate Blanchett. However, the Hollywood legend is unlikely to appear in any adaptation of a rip-off book Notes on a Sandal.

That’s because this book is extraordinarily poor in its writing and narrative structure. Like, proper 1/5 bad on Goodreads (to mix with other awful classics such as Grate Expectations).

But it’s also propaganda against sandals, taking a GROTESQUE pro-flip-flips stance that seriously undermines the popularity of sandals. That won’t stand!

Themes of Anti-Footwear Mania in Notes on a Sandal

“SANDALS ARE NOT FLIP-FLOPS!!!!”

Written in 2018 by radicalised 32-year-old sandal enthusiast Susan Berry, chapter one is a “love letter” and “homage” to the footwear and details the many variations of this product. Including, but not limited to:

• T-strap sandals
• Stiletto sandals
• Strappy sandals
• Slide sandals
• Open-toe mule sandals

The list is seemingly endless. Berry spends the first 150 prolixity-heavy pages ranting, in quite deranged fashion, about why they’re all marvellous.

However, from chapter II the book begins its notorious campaign of propaganda, which has seen it banned from various shoe stores across the UK.

The Rambling of Chapter II

Berry’s mood takes a violent turn for the worst on page 151 onward. She becomes extremely angry about the public’s ongoing confusion between sandals and:

• Crocs
• Espadrilles
• Boat shoes
• Woven slip ons
• Flip-flops

Notes on a Sandal asserts all of those are “imposters” and “disgusting pieces of poo poo” when compared to her favourite piece of footwear.

In positively apoplectic fashion, Berry states:

“Make no mistakes, and mark my words, that sandals are the ONLY footwear item worthwhile and any heathen wearing analogous, but depraved, items of footwear will burn in the fires of Hell for all eternity due to this sin.”

In a berserk call to arms, Berry preaches across 150 demented pages that fashion enthusiasts should panic buy sandals en masse to boost sales, while criticising other shoes whenever possible.

She actively encourages people to buy offending shoes, leave really nasty and mean online reviews about them, and then live a life of “salubrious sandals”.

Amongst her conspiracy theory ranting, Berry also claims furry moon boots are acceptable footwear. Truly, her lunacy knows no bounds…

The Revelatory Revelation: The Notes on a Sandal Title

Many literary critics pointed out the erroneous title on a singular, solitary “sandal”. And, yet, the author doesn’t address this in the book. Instead, she rants non-stop about SANDALS (plural).

Berry later addresses this mishap on a drunken episode of her podcast: Sandals and the City. She said, verbatim:

“[Uncontrollable sobbing] ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!!!”

She added to no one in particular:

“I bloody love you, you’re my best mate you are!”

It was postulated Berry was talking to the enigmatic “sandal” from her book, which she has fallen in love with. However, this theory was debunked as it turns out Sarah Berry only wears high-heels and doesn’t even own any sandals.

She was promptly sued for fraudulent content and jailed for 27 years for being a lying SOB.

The Sandal Community Reacts With Sadness and Sandals

Following Berry’s arrest, and revelations of her hypocrisy, the sandal community held vigils outside libraries and had people trample on copies of her big.

People wearing big old manky shoes and stuff like wellies.

It’s believed when news of this reached Berry from her jail cell, she became so enraged she attempted to speed up her Shawshank Redemption style secret escape plan by squeezing out of a ladies’ bathroom drainage grate.

This escape attempt failed and Berry was subjected to three hours of punishment—listening repeatedly to Nancy Sinatra’s version of These Boots are Made for Walkin’.