Greetings, disgusting poor people! My name is Geoff Beezus and I am extremely rich. My wealth was earned through pure superiority, hard work, and graft (and being from a wealthy family with access to an endless money pot resource 99% of the rest of the world isn’t lucky enough to access).
As it is my 62nd birthday shortly, I have decided to throw myself a MASSIVE birthday party bash! I deserve it! I’ve worked four hour days for the last 20 years and earn $7.9 million per hour!
I know all of you will be very jealous, but FRET YEE NOT! I am hosting a lavish birthday party in Bolton of Greater Manchester and this is YOUR OWN PERSONAL invitation to this most joyous of occasions!
Invitation: Fill Out the Following Form for Consideration
Below is the form. Fill it out forthwith to be in with a chance to spend an opulent, luxuriant evening with me, Mr. Geoff Beezus, and my magnificent company (as in personality, not my actual various business enterprises).
Please note, during the creation of this form there were several technical errors. The employees responsible have been fired with no severance pay, ensuring I can claim an even larger bonus in Q4 2025 to fund my third $150 million superyacht.
Itinerary of Events: The Billionaire Bash
My birthday party will be a splendid occasion with much merriment and many laughs. Should you be luck enough to be accepted and attend, this is the planned day of events on my luxury superyacht The Super Rich Bastard III:
- Champagne (staring at it, gloating about it, drinking some of it)
- Beans on toast for lunch (with more champagne)
- Jeering at working class scumbags
- Working out new ways to avoid paying taxes
- Birthday cake (no frills one from Aldi to keep costs down, I’m saving for that superyacht after all)
- Drunken fisticuffs about whose private jet is best (NB: The butlers will complete the fisticuffs for us)
- Enforced end of event at 11pm by burly security guards wielding bazookas
You will have fun at my birthday party. To ensure this, all attendees will receive $10,000 on the door and most be the most smarmy, ingratiating, pathetic weasels imaginable to suck up to me.
Once you’re in my good books, you may well find yourself on a spaceship to Jupiter! Planned excursions commence in Q4 2027 as part of my space program RWIS (Rich Wankers in Space).
