Oliver Twist; or, The Parish Boy’s Progress (1837) was written by Charles Dickens. Charles Dickens was a men. He did writing things, such as novels, and could spell quite well.
But did you know a rip-off work was penned by scam artist turned satirist Charles Dickhead in 2020? The book is called Oliver Egoist; or, The Patronising Boy’s Pomposity. It was supposed to be a cautionary tale about excessive ego, but also had an ulterior motive of ripping readers off (costing £100 a copy).
Entitlement and Selfies in Oliver Egoist
“Please, sir, I DEMAND some more (because I am an ENTITLED brat).”
The desire for attention, eh? Look at my selfies! Oh, look, I’m gurning before a bathroom mirror with my top off! Look, I’m pouting away in my bikini! Ooh!
That’s what Oliver Egoist plays out like, as in the first chapter (I Have 17 Instagram Accounts), it turns out Oliver has 17 Instagram accounts. Each one is for:
- Various and respective limbs (two alone for Oliver’s left leg)
- Pouting
- Barely coherent influencer rambling
- Food pictures
- Holiday snaps
- Manosphere ranting
And etc. There are more, but Charles Dickhead doesn’t go into full details (presumably as that would get very boring). What follows instead is Oliver Egoist being at college, refusing to get a job (because he’s from a wealthy family), and taking many selfies.
From chapter three onward, selfies dominate proceedings.
The young man takes 500 selfies a day, carefully curates them each night, then spends the hours from 1am-5am posting them across his 17 accounts, in between bouts of drinking maximum size energy drinks.
By chapter nine, Oliver Egoist is borderline clinically insane due to chronic fatigue, insomnia, energy drink addiction, and selfie addiction. Part one of the work concludes with Egoist having a meltdown, skipping through the streets of London at night whilst bellowing that he is the greatest known person since time began.
He also takes up the obnoxious habit of playing his preferred music on his device, at full volume, on public transport.
Oliver Egoist becomes so aggravating to society, the closing chapters see the his followers turn on him. They hunt down Egoist and kick his arse, hoping to teach a lesson of humility to the little bastard.
Canadian Geese Diatribe: The Unusual Conclusion to Oliver Egoist
The prologue to the work is author Charles Dickhead ranting about Canadian geese. Prior to this inclusion, the rest of the 500+ page work doesn’t mention geese once.
In a barely contained outburst of hatred, the author calls the birds “bastards” and explains they should all be “sent back to Barbados where they came from”.
Literary critics found this outburst ill-advised and not in keeping with the rest of the book (which largely garnered 3/5 reviews), leading to Charles Dickhead mass posting anti-Canadian geese propaganda on Twitter. Such as:
“Canadian Geese is Gay!!!”
His publisher subsequently removed the prologue from paperback editions of the work, leading to a massive outburst of rage regarding cancel culture and freedom of speech.
Charles Dickhead is currently seeing the United Nations and God for breach of his right to freedom of speech. He is claiming $557 billion in damages. He is projected to lose the case.
