Surf’s Up Dude Enterprises Ltd. is an organisation dedicated to the essential act of ensuring that surf’s, indeed, is up (dude). For the last 75 years, we have delivered on our promise of ensuring surf’s up dude no matter the location.
We have 36 branches worldwide with headquarters in Bolton of Greater Manchester and each and every one of our employees has a core mission statement to deliver. Surfing will happen, no matter where you are in the world. That is our aggressive stance and we will enforce it no matter what it takes.
🏄♀️ Enforcing Surf’s Up on an International Basis 🏄♂️
Why aren’t you surfing right now? What’s stopping you? Are you a communist?! A drug addict!? Are you too stupid to find your nearest beach and go surfing?
These are the pertinent questions you should be asking yourself today.
As if you don’t go surfing, you should be very afraid. At Surf’s Up Dude Enterprises Ltd., we have a staff of 10,000 monitoring 130,000 locations worldwide to ensure people are surfing. With a planned budget increase by 2030, we hope to be monitoring 75% of the world’s population to ensure continued surf’s up. Failure to deliver on this promise could lead to:
- Drops in the number of people surfing
- Decreases in surfing board sales
- The collapse of civilization due to points 1 and 2
- Hungry sharks having fewer things to eat
This crisis must be averted at all costs. To do that, our organisation has a three-step plan of action to ensure more humans get on surfboards and catch some waves:
- Disseminate an aggressive pro-surfing leaflet campaign via postal mail and email
- Threaten people to go surfing by waving bazookas in their, respective, faces
- Ban cars, planes, boats, bicycles, and walking to ensure the only means of local and global transportation is via surfing
At Surf’s Up Dude Enterprises Ltd., we are convinced the only way forward for humanity is via surfing. Surfing to work, surfing to the local supermarket, and/or surfing to the dentist etc.
While some may laugh and call such a goal “clinically insane”, just think about the environmental benefits of spending 13 weeks surfing to your holiday destination instead of 3 hours on a plane. We are 100% certain that by explaining the matter with clear statistics such as this, the entire world’s population will calmly accept we are in the right. Cowabunga!
Pursuing the Excess Use of “Cowabunga”
A secondary mission of Surf’s Up Dude Enterprises Ltd. is to pursue, monitor, and control the excessive use of the term “cowabunga”, popularised in the 1990s by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
For too long (decades now) has the term been used. Several of our organisation members find the term upsetting, thus the goal is to have it banned from public use and reserved only for royalty and tech bro billionaires. To achieve this goal, we have a three step plan:
- Ban the use of the word
- If people keep using the word, ban freedom of speech
- If people still keep talking, detonate one of the atom bombs we’ve been stockpiling for our international takeover attempt
With nuclear weapons on our side, we are 100% certain our hybrid push to ensure surfing and limited/non-existent “cowabunga” usage will be successful.
Please, become a member today. It is $5,000 to join and you will receive a lifetime* membership.
*Please note, the lifetime membership runs out every 12 months and will require a $6,000 subscription to re-subscribe, with added VAT of 35% per annum.
