Having followed Wednesday night’s sudden Stone Roses gig on Twitter, here at Professional Moron our very own Truman Trumanson got to thinking what other things you could follow on the social media tool.
This Twitter lark could, in time, replace absolutely everything! Even the need to be in work! You could Tweet, “At #work right now! #LOL!” and everyone would know it. Then you would spend your day documenting everything you do, “Picked my left nostril just now. #nostril #nostrils #NosePickage @NosePicking”. It would be amazing! Maybe.
After Truman Trumanson passed out drunk I, Mr. Wapojif, decided to take the piece over and dedicate it to all of the out-of-use sheds across the many households across the entire world. And possibly even into the depths of space in our vast universe!
Even your average alien probably has to keep their intergalatic space rays in the garden shed.
Except their gardens are probably called “@@@;DkkdjOIIIoooooooooooooooh!!!!” or something like that, but it would be pronounced in a wonderfully “floaty” “HelloaaaaaaWeAreeeePeacefull!” type of way. Which would be ironic, as the alien’s intergalatic space ray would be classed as unpeaceful and highly destructive. The misanthropic bastards.
This raises all manner of morally reprehensible and downright excellent possibilities (the Twitter thing, not the Earth destroying aliens). For instance, what would happen if you followed a frog for a day? A Day In The Life (10,000 holes in Blackburn Lancashire) Of A Frog would be highly xenophobic (not to mention hegemonic) against frogs in general, as the chosen frog (much like Neo from The Matrix, this frog would be The One) would be forced into this most barbaric of situations. First Tweet of the day, “Ribbit. #ribbit”. Second post, “Ribbit… ribbit. #ribbit @ribbit”. Tenth post, “Ribbit, ribbit… RIBBIT! #ribbit! #AlarmedFrogRibbit”.
Naturally a frog interpreter would be brought in to, you know, interpret. So, Tweet ten would read as, verbatim, “Most people thing frogs are a bit dozy and vacuous. NOT I!” This would, of course, raise many humanitarian issues we can’t be bothered discussing here.
Amnesty International can handle all that lot, we just brought it to the world’s globule like attention. And, lo, for the frogs do look a bit like aliens! Not that there’s anything wrong with that! *ahem*