How To Make Friends With An Alien – With Soup

This happy chappy could be your new best friend.

Following yesteday’s Professional Moron post we were messaged by a few crazed folk who believed we were under invasion from merciless, slobberring aliens. Rest assured this was not the case, and we do believe this crushing prejudice against aliens has gone a bit too far – just why would the aliens want to invade Earth anyway? It’s not like there’s much going on here apart from global warming, endless wars, bickering, and general stupidity. Why the hell would they want that problem amongst their, presumably, myriad of personal inter-species issues. We don’t know what these could be as we haven’t met our alien friends yet (despite Truman Trumanson’s drunken ranting), but we can hazard a guess that many of them are concerned with their knobbly knees and/or elbows, their massive bloody great big eyes, their green colour, and their inability to wear earrings. So how would you go about introducing yourself to these elusive beings, even if they are here for the simple reason they want to kill us all?


*Introductions Are Important*

E.T’s favourite hobbies whilst on Earth included wild profanity, yelling at women from makeshift scaffolding, and grinning inanely.

As with meeting a fellow human being for the first time, introducing yourself properly is vital. With an alien we doubt thrusting out your arm, ready and willing for a handshake, and yodelling;

Human: “Greetings, alien space creature! Welcome to the planet we call Earth!”

Alien: “RROOjjjjKKKKKLLLpppoooll! ::”@@@{{@@@@@!!!” Rough translation; “DIE YOU SUB-HUMAN PIECE OF HUMAN SCUM!!!”

So we recommend a disparate approach to the one above. Why? As we say so. Just how could one introduce oneself, then!?!??!? Fairly simply, we believe the best approach to reasoning with psychotic invading aliens is to NOT approach the whole thing with an air of mortal terror. Instead, introduce them to the very best of culture. We spent a lot of time arguing quite vociferously about what this could be; just what unites everyone the world over? Football? Judging from the amount of fat, ugly, and staggeringly stupid hooligans out there we doubt this would sway anyone’s opinion on humanity. Music? Well, Beethoven and Mozart have been dead for a while, but there’s always Justin Beiber!

A nice hearty bowl of soup! Guaranteed to put hair on your eyebrows!

We eventually concluded with a popular food stuff. Soup, of course (you read the post headline, ja?)! What better than to introduce a bunch of psychotic invaders to a touch of flavoured pulped liquid things? It’s bound to get the most depraved of alien hearts into the swing of things on Earth. You can imagine even Genghis Khan (not that he was an alien, probably), having torn the head off another victim, promptly sitting down to eat a nice bowl of soothing soup. Why should our alien invaders be any different? The real question is; what soup should they dine on first? It seems obvious to us as it is our favourite. Well, no it isn’t, but it always warms the cockles of our hearts! Leek and Potato soup, we salute you!

One comment

  1. Amazing! Keep the alien and ufo type of post a coming. Can’t wait for your next one.Thanks for the post, aliens and UFOs are real! I’ve seen proofThanks for getting some of the true ufo, alien, and 2012 Mayan information out there.


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