So we, the Professional Moron staff (minus Beans the Chinese Dwarf hamster (no hamsters in the cinema, thanks)), went and watched The Dark Knight Rises at the weekend. On Saturday to be precise. And whilst we were a little disappointed it was, nonetheless, enjoyable entertainment. We decided to “do” a review in honour of this great event of the whole trilogy.

This being Professional Moron we don’t really go in for the whole 5/5 rating. Or 10/10. Or out of 100%. No, we rate films on how they compare to vegetables. It’s a good a method as any, we personally believe. Vegetables are ace. SO! Read on to find out how we awarded each film in the trilogy a different veggie rating! Hurrah!

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Batman Begins

The trilogy opener is a bit better than it’s given credit for. Much like cabbage. What cabbage boils down to is a very, very tasty and chewy thing that livens up any roast dinner. But, frankly, we’d be happily have cabbage alone in a bowl just to stuff into our stupid faces. So, huzzah to Batman Begins for reaching savoy cabbage levels!

The Dark Knight

The best film in the franchise is a potato. Oh, but, oh! How we love potatoes! So very, very, very, very functional. You can do anything with them and they’re still enjoyable. Usually. So, there we are, the best vegetable is The Dark Knight.

The Dark Knight Rises

The mildly camp bad guy this time is Bane, played by a very beefed up Tom Hardy. Quite effective he is, too! But we decided that, at 3 hours in total, the film meanders a bit all over the place before reaching its conclusion. Not exactly a stunner of a film, so we’ve compared it to the carrot. Carrot’s are damn ace, but only when raw. You can mash carrots and they taste fantastic, but that’s due to them being laced with butter. So, The Dark Knight Rises is like a carrot that has been partially cooked. Just not quite getting there but very nearly.