How To Run a Shop: Our Questionable Advice

An old-fashioned general store from the 20th century.

It’d look like this one above, right? And why? As this “little” store “i”s the perfect store; it’s confusing and so very disparate to any other store we have ever come across.

Except the one that was on fire once in Salford Quays. There’s a new retail experience!

Running a Shop—Dubious Advice

Anyway, this store appears to be selling bead necklaces – a very large amount of bead necklaces. So many, in fact, you can’t tell what the hell’s going on. And that’s our type of shopping experience.

Our company motto would be:

“The customer is always wrong, we’re always right, and we want to make shopping with us a hellish experience!”

Our company advert would be a star studded slice of fun, including A list celebrities like:

  • Brad Pitt, Boris Johnson
  • The Queen of England
  • Keith Chegwin
  • Susan Sarandon
  • Justin Bieber

And wouldn’t that be something? To see Bieber’s personal stamp of approval read on!

We lied. Bieber has nothing to do with our store. Anyway, obviously we couldn’t use beads like these gentlemen above.

We’d have to sell something else for this shop appears to have a monopoly on the beads market. Instead we would run with a risky, but we think highly effective and unique, product. Have you ever found it difficult to pick your nose in public?

Do people stare and say things such as, “You disgust me!” and “Ewwww, gross!”? Fear no more, for the Nose Picking Shed is a highly effective way of being able to dislodge items from nostrils in solitude. Whilst being in public!

Now the idea here is you carry the shed around with you and, when you deem it necessary to stuff a finger skywards, you plonk the shed down and climb on in.

So all the usual embarrassment is, thusly, saved! Yes, the nose picking shed really is that brilliant!

Sheds will cost £700 ($2,000 elsewhere) and will feature a few cushions and a spade to liven up the interior.

Children under 15 aren’t allowed to use the shed, and neither are elderly old age pensioners who might find the shed a bit, you know, stuffy. To pre-order send us an e-mail!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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