What Exactly Are Twinkies?

The appparently mighty Twinky!

Is what I, Mr. Wapojif, asked myself for many years. Even now I’m kind of unsure; they’re a sort of bread thing with a, sort of, cream filling? In England we don’t sell them so, therefore, and as a consequence, Brits are clueless to their otherworldly charms. We do, however, think Americans only ever eat Twinkies… and McDonalds, of course. Twinkies seem to have been on all sorts of TV shows; Family Guy, South Park, The Simpsons… that other one. Friends, too, at some point we guess. As Joey would say, “‘ow you doiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnn’?”

Often I have been left awake at night, thrashing about in my bed, duvet getting wrapped around my wriggling limbs, and pondering this most momentous question. “What ARE TWINKIES!” I have been known to scream in sheer terror. My neighbours in the apartment block housing Mr. Wapojif’s headquarters have become quite terrified of my rampant wailing. Sadly they will have to suffer it some more, as until I get my actual, real, personal human hands on some Twinkies I will have to continue my distressed caterwauling. Woe is me!

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