Mr. Schumacher is going AWOL

Schumi waves goodbye!

The big sporting news of today was his Chinned Awesomeness Herr. Schumacher is calling thyme on his 20 year career and kicking back his legs for a bit of a lark at the end of 2012. The 43 year old originally called it quits from Formula One in 2006, before changing his mind and returning in 2010. However, his time is now up and he brings to a close the most successful career in F1 history.

Now, for those of you who have no idea who this guy is (Americans mainly, Formula One isn’t big in the US of Z) Mr. Schumacher utterly destroyed every other driver in the world for over a decade in the pinnacle of motorsport that is F1. His genius was such he didn’t even need a particularly good F1 car to do it – he just got in the thing and balanced and danced his car at 200mph to an unprecedented 7 world titles and 91 Grand Prix victories. His return back hasn’t been as successful; dogged by his diminishing skills brought on by age, a poor car, dreadful reliability, and some bad mistakes. We will miss him dearly, though, as he’s a cool bloke with a good sense of humour. And it’s Michael Schumacher, dammit!

Mr. Schumi had a career of immense success, and lots of controversy. In fact, no driver has ever been as controversial as the German. A morally sound and generous guy off the track, on it he was ruthless and very much in the, “It’s me, get out of the way please!” trend of driving set before him by another F1 legend – Ayrton Senna. And whilst some will look on the second stage of his career with disdain, truth is he’s one of the best drivers of all time. A true living legend. Farewell, Schumi! The Professional Moron staff. xxxx

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