As another week drew to a close, a beautiful blood-red sunset burst across the cemented streets of Manchester. “Fookin’ ‘ell, luke at dat!” said the chav sitting next to me on the bus. I looked at his expression of undiluted awe and followed his gaze; he was pointing at the copy of The Sun which had, with apt timing, flopped open on Page 3. Yes, chavs aren’t really ones for the beauty of the world. Chavs aren’t really ones for anything. Except ASBOs, of course.
Anyway, we got to thinking about sunsets upon arriving home to our humble flat. “Just what makes them so!?” I screamed repeatedly out of the window. Calming myself I sat down and begin to scribble frantically on my forehead with a biro. When, several minutes later, I went to look at myself in a mirror, the following explanation was visible to only I:
“The science of sunsets is fairly straightforward. The goal of the Sun is to Break On Through (To The Other Side) of the Earth. So, as it descends into the Earth’s surface it begins to squash into the Earth’s crust. The physical effort of having to squeeze itself into the Other Side is such that the Sun becomes somewhat red-faced. Ever wondered what thunder and lightning is? It’s the Sun grunting and pushing to get itself through the Earth. Simple. So, the redder the sunset you see means the more the Sun is straining away like some demented… maniac! This process is known to the scientific community as the ‘Sunset’.”
Take from this true story whatever you wish, dear reader, but from now on, whenever you see the Sun going all red, feel a bit sorry for the poor dear. Its blood pressure must be through the roof.