Skyfall: A Tally Bally Ho of a Review


Okay, Professional Moron just done and watched Skyfall today. Reminds us all of Goldeneye 007 on the N64!

This is a James Bond film from the James Bond franchise about James Bond and his running, jumping, shooting, and “For England, James?” type James Bond stuff.

It’s proven very popular over the years, particularly with blokes as there are lots of gadgets on offer, fit birds wander about, there are explosions, cars, macho displays of machoness, and other stuff.

Professional Moron’s very own Mr. Wapojif has never been much of a fan of the films. If he had to sum them up in a word he would choose “muh”, and that’s not even really a word.

Check a dictionary, guy! All the same he went into cinema two watch it all, innit, with an open mind. Bear in mind this film has received rave reviews and is being hailed as an instant classic. Is it? Let’s find out.


Right, so the plot focuses on James Bond and his running abilities a lot, and Daniel Craig has quite an unusual run. His arms have a tendency to jut forward at an unusual angle.

He will be doing a lot of running in this film, and he will also (perhaps for the first time in Bond history) have an impossibly camp villain to deal with.

Not that this guy (Javier Bardem on top form, incidentally – seriously, he’s the best thing in the film) is effeminate, it’s just his sexuality is hinted out overtly in one scene. As is a rather shocking deformity.

But, when all is done and said, this is just your standard James Bond majigger, really.

There are two fit birds for the adolescent male viewers to gawp at, there’s Daniel Craig’s man muscles if you’re a lady, and even Ralph Fiennes turns up in this one! For England, James?

What Mr. Wapojif did notice in this Bond outing is the English vernacular gets ramped up to 101%. “Bloody” is word of the day in this film, and absolutely everyone’s at it!

Bond and Dame Judi Dench’s “M” (for Maltesers?) are particular offenders; barely a conversation goes by without “bloody ‘eck, guv!” getting its nose in.

This is a 12A but, really America, do you think Britain’s security elite go around announcing, “By jove, what a spiffing day it has been!” whilst drinking tea? It don’t work like that, guv.

Anyway, as you may or may not know, the Professional Moron rating guide is based on vegetables. How excellent a vegetable is gets linked to how good the film is, see?

It’s not too complicated. So, for providing some bloody good, mindless bloody fun, James Bond’s latest Bondorama gets the award of – The Sprout!

Not quite as amazing as they should be, but good fun if drenched with gravy/butter/marmite.

All hail the Sprout Tree thing!

Dispense with some gibberish!

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