10 Vegetables That Sound Like You’re Insulting Someone

Vegetables, eh?

Vegetables are stupid. But it’s not their fault, as they’re vegetables. Many of them make up for it with their personalities.

They have funny names, too, which is highly endearing—kind of like a morbidly obese person who is incredibly rich. So, without further ado, here’s a funny list of 10 fun vegetables which you can add to your already overflowing list of insults. Enjoy!

Fat hen

Fat hen

There is no more diabolically charged moment in the English language than calling someone “fat”, even if they’re emaciated!

It’s the ultimate insult. What better way than to slap a “hen” on the end, too? Those moronic creatures!



Fiddlesticks? No, fiddlehead! As in, you’re as confused as a British Chav who’s trying to figure out how to open a door that’s missing the helpful “Push” sign. As in, you need to pull it. Duh!

Fluted pumpkin

Fluted Pumpkin

Lol. What a great name for a pumpkin. What’d be even better is if it sounded like a flute when you played it. Fat chance of that, of course, as it’s a vegetable.



Kuka? Coo coo ca choo? Goo goo g’joob? Are you the walrus, or a moron? Either way you should start out your day by calling someone a “kuka!”, which sounds like you’re calling someone “kooky”.

Which may, or may not, be insulting to them. Depends how chilled they are, you know?

Common bean

Common bean

The problem with common people is they’re so bloody common! There’s, literally and figuratively, nothing worse at all than being common.

Common people succumb to all the common trends and are just, well, common. We’re bloody sick of it! Next time you see a commoner, call them a “Common bean”. Add in “You SOB!” for good measure, too.

Mung bean

Mung bean

Mung’s a pretty gross word and, when leveled at any decent human bean, it’s going to leave a nasty psychological entry wound. Indeed.

Urad bean

Urad bean

We can’t think of anything for Urad, to be honest. We just liked the word.



Shallot sounds a bit like you’re making out someone’s shallow, as that what the word is except for the “t” on the end. Are shallots shallow? Superficiality isn’t relative, and onions are pretty humble beings. Don’t diss shallots!

Welsh onion

Welsh Onion

The Welsh get a rough time of it in England as, well, English people give everywhere a pretty rough thyme.

So, Welsh Onions are a good way of describing someone lacking in Stiff Upper Lip British values. Lacking how? Such as not going down solemnly with a ship. “Women and children last, you say?!? Bad form, sah!”.

Water caltrop

Water caltrop

Also known as the “Horrifying Water Monster”, the water caltrop sounds as if one is spewing forth belligerence at a battle-axe type woman.

She may have been belabouring you about not eating your vegetables, for instance, and you’d go: “Oh shut your trap, you water caltrop!” and she’d either quieten down or thrash you to death with a Welsh Onion.


    • Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiie! You’re right, the urad bean is clearly much more positive than we initially realised. “Urad, bro!” – man, we just love beans. I had a hamster called Beans a few years ago. Lolz.


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