Robots: The Solution To All of Life’s Problems?

Geoff the Robot, apparently. Clearly he/it is in high demand.
Geoff the Robot, apparently. Clearly he/it is in high demand.

Robots are popular sci-fi things that would make all our lives a heck of a lot easier. Imagine it, your pet robot hanging around weighting 4 you’re orders; “Robot, I’d like to lose weight and have more money!” The robot would then do all this for you! “Robot, now you’ve done that write me a genius orchestral piece, and then a symphony about haggis that’ll make grown men weep and women fall instantly in love with me!” The robot, we dub this magical invention Mr. Roboto, would be in every household across the world. Egads, but then genius would be a daily occurrence. So how would anyone stand out? Simple – by embracing crushing tedium and insipid culture. Kind of like now with the X-Factor lot. In a hundred years when robots do everything for us, someone will stumble across Cher Lloyd’s “Swagger Jagger” and think it’s the best thing ever. Huzzah?

The only problem here is we don’t have Mr. Roboto or robots at all; certainly not ones with adequate artificial intelligence. So how do we get around this problem? Simple; get Stephen Hawking and make him stop concentrating on important science projects and use his genius brain to come up with a machine that will MAKE super smart robots. This machine would be called the Super Hawking Robot Maker and would be environmentally friendly, cost-effective, and polite (it would apologise for making excessive noise with a series of English pleasantries; “Beg pardon!” etc). Anyway, the lesson here is fairly obvious; don’t make robots. Keep Mr. Hawking busy with science stuff and, for cripes sake, make sure no one ever plays Swagger Jagger on the radio ever again!

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