Exclusive Recipe: The Christmas Kebab!

Kebabs galore!
Kebabs galore!

There’s lots of waste at Christmas; wrapping paper, food leftovers, the dead tree, the new pet rabbit leaves copious amounts of droppings… so what do you do with it all? Professional Moron’s very own Mr. Wapojif has been thinking this one over, and after thirty odd minutes of retrospective clarity and lack of it thereof (indeed), he came to a radical conclusion. “Food!” he screamed at such a volume we all winced in agony. Yes, the Professional Moron staff are so in tune with contemporary issues we know full well the need to recycle stuff and look after the environment. Consequently we’ve come up with the Christmas Kebab!

We all know what kebabs are, right? Those odd looking things which circulate before a grill whilst oozing fat. There are also kebab skewers, and this is our thinking for Christmas Kebabs. Get a really big twig and then jam your leftovers onto it! Spare wrapping paper, the rabbit droppings, the turkey corpse, any presents you’re not too fond of, a block of cheese, any spare Christmas decorations, etc. After you’ve fashioned it all neatly onto the skewer simply hang it all over a fire (perhaps start one underneath your Christmas tree if it’s cold outside; have a fire extinguisher handy in case science does that annoying thing outside of happy escapism and, instead of creating a merry Christmas fire, burns your house down) and leave for around half an hour. Return to the charred remains and enjoy! Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without burnt food. Hurrah!

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