TV or not TV?

A TV set that’s broken. Indeed.

This Christmas, should you just sit about watching TV with your family? You could do! There’s no reason why snot; indeed, for a life spent watching television, “Wouldst not offer any real problems, apart from chronic obesity, depression, probable hypertension, diphtheria, agoraphobia, scurvy, and eventual unpleasantness.” This is a quote from Albert Einstein so perhaps you should pay attention to him; he was a genius, you know? So maybe it’s not a good idea to sit around over Christmas stuffing your face with food. “But why would, or should, I want to do anything but aspire to morbid obesity!? I love eating and watching TV!!!!!!” Well Professional Moron have had a thunk and have gone and come up with some amazing new thing to do. Christmas will never be the same again!

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Caber Tossing – pure and simple. Fun, energetic, and good for all the family. You can get your cabers from any local forest or park. All you need is a chainsaw, some dynamite, or your bare hands. Don’t delay for the trees will be in short supply once the Mayan’s calendar prediction sees us all reach an unexpected demise. And it’s not even Christmas! However, if the Mayans are/were wrong then there’s no need to fear. The trees will be in abundance.

Cabers for Christmas, darling?
Cabers for Christmas, darling?

A caber is usually about 19ft high and can weigh up to 79kg. This is a walk in the park; even your granny can manage that! The overall idea is to fling it reasonably far away, but also to have the caber fall directly away from the thrower after landing. It’s an ancient, old, unyouthful, unyoung practice and one which William Wallace (and Mel Gibson) we’re sure perfected during their Brave Heart days back in 1995. Caber tossing actually goes a bit further than that back in time. You’re not going to get a free history lesson here as there’s no real information about the direct origins of the sport. It’s Scottish; that’ll do you.

And, guess what, the person who throws the caber is referred to as a “tosser” (also a “thrower” if you want to be dull). So engage in this fun filled sport and you can verbally insult your friends and family at the same thyme! Wicked!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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