Advanced Mathematics: Only the numbers suffer!


We’re utterly useless at maths here in the Professional Moron office. Sure, we can add stuff together, multiply, and the other stuff, but when it comes to Einstein’s level and other blokes… like him from A Beautiful Mind (played by Russell Crowe), and the pretend guy in Good Will Hunting (played by Matt Damon) and we’re nowhere! It’s a non-existent quality of ours and we’re quite happy to never contribute anything to the mathematical world. What we WOULD like to see, however, is “Good Will Hunting 2: This time he aint so bright”. Great tagline, eh? There would be a picture of a dribbling Matt Damon on the posters trying to do some basic sum; “Errr… 2+2=19?” Certificate 18 – you heard it here first.

In all seriousness, though, we wonder who it was who first sat down and figured out what numbers were. Are numbers real, tangible things!?!? According to our source the definition of a “number” has been advanced over the decades to include such things as negative numbers, complex numbers, rational numbers, irrational numbers, and more. It seems to us these numbers are very real, and also plagued with all manner of unfortunate psychological disorders; perhaps negative numbers should hang out with complex ones so the latter’s intricate nature could bring out the former’s optimism. Elsewhere we can only wonder what rational and irrational numbers have to deal with! We have come to the conclusion an irrational number would refuse to comprehend the fundamentals of mathematics, so 10 + 2 = 77 billion. We must have gotten stuck with these chaotic little sods a lot during early education years as our exam scores for mathematics were always certainly irrational. In fact, we think all mathematics tests through the history of time should be re-graded to point out the glaring error of allowing some to have rational numbers whilst others have morose negative ones, and some have to struggle with complex numbers with deep personal issues such as a wife, two kids, a mortgage, and an ingrown toenail to contend with. Sheesh kebab!

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