Over the last five experimental days our very own editor, Mr. Wapojif, has been on an unprecedented health spree. Yes, he went and done and got a Juicer. He then went and got a load of fruit and vegetables and prepared for juicing chaos! May tomatoes have mercy on us all…
First up, juicing’s great fun. It’s like being a stupid kid again, playing some daft game. You jam the veg and fruit down this pipe and mush it up, and watch all the weird colours fly into a flask.
Personally we love vegetables as we’re not pathetic fussy eater scumbags, but if you have a problem with your greens this is ideal. You can get the nutrients out and make super tasty recipes; cripes, even snotty nosed kids would like them (often as they can be combined with fruit for added oomph).
It must be noted there are certain things you can, and cannot, juice up a notch:
CAN
Fruits and Vegetables.
CANNOT
Labradors, nuclear warheads, sharks (particularly great whites), things which don’t exist (such as the Dodo), pretty much anything bigger than a walrus, combine harvesters, and buildings.
Conclusionally Conclusive Conclusion
What did we discover in five days? Juicing blades really shred those damn things to bits, man! Look at them go! However, asides from this lust for veg based violence, we learned some pretty amazing recipes we’ll be using in future. It’s a groovy way to really stuff nutrients into your body. Y’hear? The most epic discovery out of all of this mayhem was the Ginger Shot. This involves juicing half an apple and a wodge of ginger. Behold!
Drinking this is like jabbing yourself in the eye with an ice cube. It’ll really put hairs on your eyebrows, we guarantee it. Seriously. It’ll be like nothing else you’ve ever comprehended before!
I WANT TO JUICE, DAMMIT!
Got the urge to pulp innocent fruit and vegetables? Huzzah! Anyone else who wants to nutrient it up a notch can watch Joe Cross’ enjoyable documentary Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead, or take a look at Jason Vale’s (he’s kind of a cross between Jamie Oliver and Eddie Izzard) numerous forms of output. Will you be disappointed? We don’t know or care. However, we demand you bring the Ginger Shot to your life. It makes mornings worthwhile. Why?
