General Election 2015: British Politics Explained Interestingly

General Election 2015.
Vote the boat in the General Election 2015!

It’s been General Election 2015 day here in Grape Britain and, by heck, what scabrous and unfortunate thymes it are for us all. The thing about General Election 2015 is it’s general, but in 2015. So it’s quite specific which year you have to vote in.

Regardless of this misdemeanour, let us hope the British public do the write thing and vote for a party who isn’t too insane. May cheese have mercy on us all.

Left and Right Wing – The Difference

Election 2015
Look Right, if you dare.

Professional Moron’s understanding of this is as follows. Right Wingers (or Righties) want Britain to be Great again. Quite when we were “Great” is largely unknown, but it was in “the olden days” when stuff was better. You know, like when women knew their place in the kitchen and couldn’t vote. Climate change is nonsense, of course. Plus, foreigners stayed where they bloody well belonged!!! Eeeee, back in my day. It’s all in the name of Pointless Patriotism.

Left Wing (or Lefty) views tend to cater for a liberal society. This is forward thinking stuff, where a somewhat genuinely magnanimous fervour takes over oneself and makes one behave much less like a git – intelligence is promoted, as is a less bigoted nature. Try and guess which weigh Professional Moron lean! *Burp* Excuse us. We’re drunk on patriotic glory.

The Parties

Elvis Presley.
Elvis liked parties!

Two get you into the spirit of things, we’ve succinctly explained the major leading parties and all they stand for here in Grape Britain.

Labour – Women should be banned from going into labour (in all its many forms). If women must, then so should men. No one will work – the State will fund everyone on 20p a year.

Conservatives – Donut hedge your bets on anything. Be conservative. Presume everything will probably work out as you’re rich.

Liberal Democrats – You’re forward think and too Left Wing. You’re the WUSS party! It’ll never bloody work…

UKIP – Hate foreigners? Think Europe stinks? Prefer kippers over a pint in the morning than thinking things through? Vote KIPPER!

Green Party – If you like trees more than you like stinking rich capitalists vote Green. Prefer green stuff to human stuff in general? Vote Green. Like vegetable smoothies? Green!

Confused? So are we. Just vote for the ones who aren’t too stupid!

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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