Food in the form of corn on the cob is a favourite food amongst many folk who like food. Why not? Food is great! Corn on the cob is great, too, in fact one could almost claim it’s grate (like grated cheese, you see). Inspired joke aside, the interesting thing about food is it unites humanity. Everyone has to eat – even stupid people! So why not eat cob? Well, that’s where the trouble starts.

Thickos (known as clods in certain sects of society) may find the concept of consuming corn on the cob somewhat dismaying. One has to pick the cob up and chew on it. Kind of like one would with a burger, except it’s much more difficult as corn on the cob is a bit of an awkward beast to devour.

There are further issues as many clods have difficulty with the actual “cob”. This is the weird spongy bit in the middle which is normally used as a luffa (or loofah) bath sponge once the corn has been discarded. Tragically, many clods continue eating and have choked themselves to death whilst attempting to stuff the loofah into their face. Being caring sorts, Professional Moron strode into the situation heroically to save the day!

After much headbutting we invented Corn On The Clod. This isn’t derogatory or patronising to stupid people, we should indicate, as it’s merely an indication to clods the product is for them and them only. Indicating is always a good indication, see.

The product consists of standard corn on the cob, but it’s basted in a mixture of brake fluid, mustard, and dishwasher detergent. This gives Corn On The Clod its distinctive vomit inducing quality, thusly forcing the clods to abandon the consumption of the product before meeting a sudden end through asphyxiation. Problem solved – we await The Noble Piece Prize.