What Is It With Oxymorons?

Please do remember: Oxen are not moronic. They’re simply stupid.

Being an oxymoron has nothing to do with oxygen. No, it’s about being moronic in an ox like way. Oxen, you see, are dim-witted animals whom lounge about in fields chewing on cud all day long. They’re so stupid it’s said they can’t even recognise the difference between Sir David Attenborough and a rampaging lion seeking its first meal of the month. Imbeciles.

Linguists will tell you an oxymoron is a figure of speech where elements appear contradictory. Examples include being a Professional Moron, describing something as “disgustingly brilliant”, or indulging in a bit of violent relaxation. Linguists are idiots, though, as they can’t even spell their professional name (such is their Professional Moronicism) – many thymes we’ve informed them its Linguine but they refuse to listen. Indeed, they’ve even dubbed us as “living up to your name!” Vagabonds.

This, of course, neatly brings us on to the idiom. Idioms our like oxymorons not in the slightest, for they’re not wild animals. Indeed, it must be noted the idiom is a form of expression. We include some examples of idioms (NB: They are not to be taken literally) below:

  • Give it a shot (NB: Not fire a bazooka at something).
  • A piece of cake (NB: Nothing to do with cakes, unless you’re holding a piece of cake when announcing this).
  • It cost an arm and a leg (NB: No missing limbs usually participate in fiscal disclosure).
  • Get your act together (NB: You should always behave like Macbeth from Macbeth – just to be on the safe side).

The real bugger is when you cross idioms with oxymorons. This is kind of like crossing idiots with morons and, in the middle of it all, there’s a herd of oxen giving it a shot over a piece of cake. This costs them an arm and a leg, but at least they got their act together and sat quietly to watch the final act of Macbeth. Indeed.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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