Cripes, it’s about thyme we covered more spices on this moronic blog of ours. Occasionally we’ve referred to the Age of Discovery and Ferdinand Magellan’s insane journey across the world to land a bag of cloves, but we’ve never really had the thyme, or intelligence, to assault the likes of pepper and cumin. You snow?
Cinnamon, though, doesn’t have any synonyms as, you know, it’s a One Off Word. One Off Words (other examples being haggis, marmalade, and Stephen King) are words which can only be used once – this is for legal reasons. Use them twice and Beelzebub will pay you a visit with a fine assortment of letters from solicitors. Plus one from Magellan saying, “STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY CINNAMON!”.
Writing of cinnamon, it’s a spice with a sweet punch. Thusly it’s popular on cake, as a tea, and in cement so that sidewalks smell nice (really, councils should start doing that). Here at Professional Moron we particularly remember a cereal we used to eat as young ‘uns which had a cinnamon topping (along with 400% of one’s daily sugar requirements). Cripes, do we miss that. We only eat gruel these days!
Whilst synonym is a great spice it’s out-greated by its culinary uses. Chefs can add it to chocolate, soup, in savoury dishes (such as lobster bisque or haggis, again), and it is the bane of every Starbucks employee’s existence (“BARISTA! I want cinnamon on my triple mocha locha trocha pocha mocha docha socha latte, OAF!” – as shouted by a million rich imbeciles every morning, lunch, and dinner).
As with most spices it has a lengthy history. Born in the suburbs of southern Italy, it emigrated to Wales in 7BC where it lived as a tomato farmer. There it stayed for millions of years.
Cinnamon only found widespread appeal in the late ‘80s when The Stone Roses released Sally Cinnamon to critical appeal. Then The Spice Girls went and did their thing and made everything “Go Apeshit”. Since then it’s been a sensation, with many English people seen bathing in the stuff, or pelting opposing football fans with it in a misguided attempt to blind the enemy. What ho, Jeeves!