We Explain (Poorly) The Many Ages Of Sausages

A sausage being eaten alive by a bread bun.

Food, eh? We love it here at Professional Moron. We sometimes wonder about starting a blog dedicated solely to food, but then we thought, “No, that would take too much effort!” Thusly we are here discussing sausages today. It’s our blog we can do what we want!

Ancient humans and sausages have an ancient history together. They were invented by accident roughly 20,000 years ago (in pre-history, which was before anything really interesting happened like wars and the internet) when a human trod on a pig and a chunk of skin flakes were dislodged.

It take (and remember people were very stupid back then) a further 1,000 years for folk to get their head around bigger chunks of pig could be made into sausages. Whilst they were figuring this out most humans had to stick with grass, mud, and marmalade as a means of gaining nutrition. Rubbish, huh?

Over the eons (that’s fancy talk for “Ages”) people called Ian recognised eons were passing. Ians and eons connected like a foot and a ball, creating sauseons. This is what they were known as to begin with, but when ages had past (like, you know, 20 years) sauseons matured enough to become sausages.

By the time of the Ancient Romans sausages were something of a celebrity, lauded in their society as a means to become morbidly obese in a fabulous fashion. And, really, if you’re going to let yourself go it might as well be with sausages, eh? Indeed.

Have some gibberish to dispense with?

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