“Why did the lobster blush? Because the seaweed disseminated a racist polemic by c-mail (the ocean’s equivalent of email).” Thusly we have the world famous joke about lobsters, seaweed, wee, the Nintendo Wii, and casual bigotry.
This joke dealt with and done and dusted, one of the hottest snacking fads right now is seaweed. It is low in calories, healthy, cheap, and damn tasty an’ all. It’s natural for upper class idiots with too much money to go ape about the latest foodie craze, but the great news is seaweed is affordable even for scumbag proletariat such as us. That’ll put hair on your eyebrows!
Where does seaweed come from, exactly? Most scientists worth their salt think it’s probably from saltwater, by which we mean the vast expanse of the oceans. There it clogs the currents like a giraffe clogs the airways of things which are giraffe height (such as other giraffes) and eventually clogs the beaches of the world.
We guess from there these seaweed companies scoop it off the beach, dump it into a frying pan, and before you know it they’re packing it and selling it to us idiots at extortionate prices! Really, 20 seaweed sheets should NOT cost £1, it should be at least 50p! This is an outrage!
Of course not everything in life is about seaweed. For us at Professional Moron, however, it kind of is these days. These companies somehow make the stuff into this paper thin wisps of seaweed which you such of crunch on and it’s like tasting seaweed tasting air! It is most epic.
Is this some pretentious new foodie fad which will be washed away, like a sand castle being washed away by the sea (which contains seaweed)? Who the hell knows, eh? For now we’re going to continue our fussy eating friends with our weird culinary tastes. Mwahahah!