Freshly cut grass often ranks right at the top of many “Best Smells” lists, along with deodorant, bin bags, sandwiches, margarine, and recently cleaned toilets. There’s something about grass freshly cut which brings forth memories of one’s youth, and of lazy summer days frolicking about the place, and occasionally sprinting in terror away from kamikaze wasps.
Professional Moron’s esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, walked by some freshly cut grass just the other day! Granted, this was in Salford where it’s almost winter, rainy, overcast, depressing, and plagued with litter and a ceaseless train of traffic, but even there it brought forth happy memories of one’s youth. But when was “freshly cut grass” first noted as a noteworthy smell? We plunged into the annals of history to find out!
It didn’t take too long before we happened across a certain herb which we shan’t mention any further than this sentence. After overcoming this obstacle, we tracked down a lot of depressing articles about the death cry of plants, pesticides, and all sorts of other horrible stuff. Grief, what happened to lovely freshly cut grass smells? We’ve decided to ignore this horridness in favour of a false reality, one where we can grin inanely about our delusional, sanitary world of make-believe loveliness.
The term “freshly cut grass” was first noted by Sir Samuel Pepys in one of his many, endless, prolixity heavy diary entries. Indeed, it’s been calculated Pepys wrote 200,000 words alone on the subject of freshly cut grass, and would bore passers-by with his endless aphorisms on the nature of grass, its colour, and why the smell is pleasant.
We now have the answers to his idiotic, whimsical ruminating. Simply put: grass is green because it is, it’s nature is mother nature, and it smells good because when you savage the stuff with, for instance, a lawn mower, it releases its special smell. What is this special smell? It’s the freshly cut grass smell!
Yes, like with Coca-Cola and their insipid protection of their “secret recipe”, freshly cut grass won’t give the game away about its freshly cut grass smell. We pressed many grass blades furiously about this, utilising our journalism skills to the maximum. Faces jammed into dozens of gardens around Manchester, we quizzed the grass on what the secret was. Sadly, all we ever got was a boot up the backside from numerous outraged property owners. Alas, this grass issue will forever be a mystery!