Exclusive (and violent) Recipe: Intemperate Tempura

Tempura Japanese food
Tempura. Make sure you get real angry before you try and make this!

Tempura is a Japanese dish of battered, deep fried seafood or vegetables. It’s awesome, but there’s always room for improvement! But how does one improve on something? You could go about it in a calm and measured way, or you could lose your head and start shrieking like an imbecile. We rather prefer the latter!

Being intemperate is a really great way to go about everything in life, as it will lose you friends and make people want to punch you. In the pursuit of improvements, though, this is a small measure to pay. Thusly, we combined tempura with an intemperate attitude to hone our latest recipe: Intemperate Tempura! Gee whizz, sir, it’s a modern marvel.

For this recipe we’ve decided to leave the recipe as it is. The only difference will be the chefs whom create the dish. You have to work yourself up into a real frenzy to make this one, and in restaurants (if you wish to adopt our recipe) you’re going to need to employ belligerent individuals. Think: homicidal maniacs, thugs, skinheads, chavs, hooligans, football hooligans, and anyone who looks a bit shifty. Hire them, and let them run wild!

The real trick behind Intemperate Tempura is to work yourself up into a blind rage before commencing. If you’re generally quite a calm person, think about stuff which makes you unusually animated. Such as, people cutting the line in queues, people chewing with their mouths open (misophonia), and kids shrieking in restaurants. Suitably enraged, begin pummelling the tempura ingredients together – generally clatter about your kitchen, throw pots, plates, or ladles at anyone whom dares venture near you, and generally be intemperate in style and attitude.

This does mean the finished product, the tempura, tends to arrive looking like it’s just done 10 rounds with World War II. So what? Presentation isn’t everything – passion is what counts! Intemperate Tempura serves up to you a dish which is fused with real blood, sweat, anguish, tears, and kitchen debris. It’s delicious, and ever so slightly terrifying. Give it a go!

Happy Birthday, Jiro Ono!

We were going to do a blog post dedicated to this but forgot. Instead, we’re putting a little reminder here. Happy 90th birthday to Jiro Ono, three star Michelin sushi chef and the subject of the awesome documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi. This time last year he served Barack Obama during the President’s visit to Japan, and Ono’s still hard at work now! Keep on rocking, man.

Dispense with some gibberish!

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