Whether you own a gas guzzler or a bicycle, you’re surely going to want cheap tyres! Tyres are the implement which propels your motor vehicle towards its destination, be it to the local supermarket, the local cinema, or accidentally off the edge of a 300ft cliff (careful with the accelerator, motorist)!
Whilst cheap tyres may make your life go round and round and round, we’ve decided the contemporary tyre sign simply isn’t gripping enough to promote traction within our brains. This is why we’ve invented this: Cheep Tyres! They’re the tyres which cheep like a bird! As knock off, pathetic gimmicks go, it’s a genius idea: as you hobble down a road, your vehicle emits glorious birdsong amongst the oaths and metal scraping anguish of your car and road raging fellow citizens! What could be better?
Give me cheap tyres, dammit!
Cheep tyres function like normal tyres, except they’re made from biodegradable rubber which could explode at any given second. This option sound too dangerous for you? Never fear, we have a cheep tyre variety made from pencil rubbers. Buy four of these, and you’ll get a free pencil!
The tyres are manufacture at our amateur tyre making factory, which is actually the bathroom in our office. We use a welding iron to melt the rubber, and wrap the melted bit around pizza trays. Due to this cost-effective technique, our cheep tyres genuinely are cheap! Get a pack of four for only £10 today, and drive home safe in the knowledge you’ve bagged a bargain!
We feel duty bound to inform our customers of the severe safety hazard cheep tyres pose. Whilst cheap, they also have a tendency to collapse when placed under pressure, and they can rarely sustain speeds of more than 5 mph without crumpling into a pathetic heap.
Is there a premium cheep tyre range?
Of course! We’re not completely foolhardy. Our premium range places an emphasis on motorist safety: Cheep Tyres Deluxe. Reinforced with cement, these little beauties are pretty much indestructible!
The downside is aren’t particularly mobile, so you will have to hire another car to tow your vehicle behind, which kind of renders the whole “premium” concept as irrelevant. Thusly, we suggest you use cheep tyres to keep your on the straight and narrow.
Our motto is: Buy Cheep, Drive Dangerous! Next time you’re in a garage, live a little. Go cheep!