Most of you reading this will have loved watching Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece (one of several of his, in fact) Inception. We sure did! However, we’re not going to pretend Leonardo da Vinci’s character Dominick Cobb didn’t remind us of corn on the cob all the way through the damn film, leaving us confused, hungry, and ready for corn-based foodstuffs.
We feel it was Nolan and Hollywood’s moral duty to supply corn on the cob upon entering the cinema, in order to slake the cob based desires of all cinemagoers. Had we been film critics at the time, we’d have ditched a mark off the score for this disappointment… but not anymore! Why? As we’ve invented corn on the Cobb!
Corn on the Cobb
If any of you are thusly inclined, let’s just say it’s not as perverted as it sounds and doesn’t involve Cobb’s body parts at all. Leonardo da Vinci is a good looking guy, but we don’t want the world objectifying him based on this or his intense performance as the conflicted Cobb.
We’d rather everyone acknowledge his recent Oscar win by making corn on the Cobb whilst grunting quotes from Inception such as, “In my dreams we are together”, and quotes from the Revenant such as “GUUURRGHHH!!! NUUURGGHHHH!! BLUURRGHHH!!! HUNNNGGHHH!!” Indeed.
The general idea behind this recipe isn’t anything new – it’s just corn on the cob. However, you have to make it in the most arduous fashion imaginable, thusly recreating da Vinci’s struggles for his art during the Revenant shoot. We also recommend you wear the above t-shirt during your own personal (tautology, sorry, but we wanted to include that to educate you all) struggle.
Get your fridge freezer and a batch of ice cubes and dump them all over your kitchen floor. Roll around on the ground with a corn cob and grunt loudly with some semblance of general distress. Whilst you’re at it, get a friend to dress in a Chewbacca suit and poke you with a stick (perhaps watch Bear Grylls or the film the Edge for tips on horrifying bear attacks to make this more terrifying). Congratulations! Your meal is almost ready.
Raw Corn on the Cobb
Oh yes, the meal is raw all right. Get your teeth ready, as after your emotional display you’ll be crunching down on uncooked corn cob husk. This is the essence of corn on the Cobb – you’re going full da Vinci and stepping up your method eating with a meal which will leave you feeling dead inside.
Sure, tooth-destroying raw corn isn’t super tasty or anything, but this is all about the performance. After all, cooking is essentially acting (except without the Oscars) – you prance about making facial expressions and then sit down to enjoy the end result. See? Exactly like acting. Ish.
We can even imagine this being turned into a sort of fine dining experience. Heck, in England there’s a Fawlty Towers dining experience so why not have one where da Vinci lookalikes serve you corn on the Cobb whilst wild grizzly bears frolic about the dining hall shredding innocent guests of their limbs? We’d buy that for a dollar.