The Godfather is considered one of, if not the, best films of all time. It is a slice of movie perfection, according to most film critics. Indeed, even most cinemagoers will be happy to enthuse about Marlon Brando and his weird cheeks. There’s also Al Pacino in there doing his thing, plus lots of dialogue. It’s Hollywood on top form!

Particularly legendary is Maron Brando’s famous line. It’s a popular movie quote to hurl around at dinner parties or when you’re in the shower (whatever floats your boat, you know). Later in his career, famously yet notoriously, Brando stopped bothering learning his lines, favouring an earpiece where someone would tell him what to say. So… what if he’d done that in Godfather, but misheard something?

I’m gonna make him an offer he can refuse

Here’s the original. As we all know, the “offer he can’t refuse” is a plate of chips with cheese on top. Damn – that’s tempting.

I am going to make him an offer he cannot refuse

Whether it was Brando not bothering to learn his lines, or whatever, we believe this is the correct way to announce the statement of intent.

I’m gonna make him an offer which won’t let him booze

Well, that’s very generous of the Don. Perhaps this version of the film would see him mellowing somewhat.

I’m gonna make him an offer for which he’ll need screws

Where would we be without screws, anyway? Dead, that’s where!

I’m gonna make him a chauffeur and he can’t refuse

Well we guess it’s not the worst job in the world, so long as he goes in with the right attitude.

I’m gonna make him an offer so long as he can read the world news

Reading, as we all know, is essential so we can understand stuff.

I’m gonna make him read Chaucer and he can’t refuse

Getting to grips with the father of English literature is a great bit of reform for anyone.

I’m gonna make him an offer so long as he likes tattoos

They’re not for everyone, but if Justin Bieber likes them then the mafia must be game.

I’m gonna make him an otter and he can’t refuse

Bloody Brando making a serious blunder here. What did otters ever do to him?

I’m gonna make him an offer with this really long fuse

Anyone who understands electronics would have an immediate advantage here.

I’m gonna make him an offer, but he has to like the blues

Fair enough. This is pretty reasonable, we think.

I’m gonna make him play soccer and he can’t refuse

American’s prefer baseball and all that, so this “soccer” (i.e. football) decision is a bit odd.

I’m gonna make him a tosser and he can’t refuse

“Tosser” in English means someone who’s a bit, you know, annoying.

I’m gonna make him an offer so he can’t use horseshoes

This seems a bit unecessary but, then, so does what he does in the film.

I’m gonna make him an offer and he has to enthuse (otherwise he’ll die horribly)

Yes, there’s something about the mafia, crime, and horribleness which works perfectly in unison.

I’m gonna make him drink water and he can’t refuse

Not much of a punishment, this one. We guess this would be for the PG version of the Godfather.

I’m gonna make him an embosser and he can’t refuse

Embossing stuff for a living must be pretty good fun, to be honest. The Don can do better than this!

I’m gonna make him a flying saucer and he’s going to the Moon

A spaced out Don would have been the laughing stock of the Corleone family. Damn. Bad going, man.

I’m gonna make him my daughter and he can’t refuse

This is a bit of a weird one, but then the Don can do whatever he wants, we guess.

I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t reuse

Good on him! Plagiarism is a serious crime, you know?