Braveheart is a 1995 film famous for its chronic lack of historical accuracy. Mel Gibson starred in, and directed, this gruesome tale of Scottish people battling with axes and chopping up those bloody Brits. All we can say, as those bloody Brits, is we apologise for being so dastardly.
Not that Braveheart does anyone any favours. William Wallace may have grown his hair long and worn a skirt, but the immortal line of “They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our freedom!” kind of feels a bit stupid knowing that they got so much wrong in the movie.
We mean, Gibson could have just made up a load of guff for that line and it would have been as effective… so what if he’d done just that?
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our freedom!
Here’s the original, then. Stirring stuff, right? Enough to make even British people weep a tear for how grotesque our civilization is.
They may take our lies, but they’ll never take… our freedom!
Just for the record, we don’t know any Scottish people who lie. Except for the characters depicted in Trainspotting – they’ve made it an artform.
They may take our knives, but they’ll never take… our forks!
Yes, those knives are all important, but not as important as forks. Seeing a full on battle with everyone using forks would be good fun. Bravefork.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our journalism!
Well journalism isn’t as important as being alive, Wallace. If you’re dead you can’t read any newspapers, you idiot.
They may take our pies, but they’ll never take… our freedom fries!
Everyone remember the freedom fries debacle? Good. Braveheart triggered it all off.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our fascism!
They may take us for our automatic drive, but they’ll never take… our petroleum!
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our rheumatism!
Wallace was kind of missing the point about being enslaved by the English. They had doctors who could cure that with leeches. The Scots? A pint of whiskey and hack the limb off with a rusty axe.
They may take our eyes, but they’ll never take… our freedom!
Well if you can’t see anything then, free or not, dude, you’re no use to anyone.
They may take our hard drives, but they’ll never take… our floppy disks!
Yes, back in this era of Scotland floppy disks still existed! Remember those? LOL! How stupid we were back in the past.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our rectum!
Typical men, always throwing around crass jokes even in the face of total obliteration. Gallows humour? No, they’re just perverts.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our aquarium!
Damn straight! Even if we were in jail we’d be okay, so long as we had an aquarium.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our museum!
Presumably the Scots were busy planning a museum for William Wallace already. Cripes… a bit narcissistic of the man.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our chewing gum!
It’s important to stress the brilliance of chewing gum. Life isn’t worth living when there’s no minty goodness around.
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our medium!
The artistic Scots would certainly not have missed out on a moment for abstraction in the heat of battle, we’re sure..
They may take our lives, but they’ll never take… our boredom!
Yeah, back in Wallace’s day everything must have been pretty squalid and boring. We guess that’s worth dying for – the right to be bored.
And finally…
They may take our beehives, but they’ll never take… our fructose!
Honey is that important it’s worth decapitation. Indeed.
Professional Moron 