Exclusive Invention: Floppy Desks (made from floppy disks)

Floppy disk
Floppy!

Remember floppy disks? Remember how stupid they were? Remember how you could only, like, store three Word documents on there? Remember how you thought technology wouldn’t advance beyond that? Remember, remember the 5th of November? Well, that’s been and gone, so remember floppy disks instead!

Floppy disks were great and all that but you have USB sticks and Google Drive these days. Plus, your £300+ laptop won’t even have a floppy disk drive anymore. Even if you hack a hole into the side of it and jam the disk in, nothing happens. Stupid electronics, why is it so confusing?! Anyway, at least now you can use all those long discarded floppy disks for something. Indeed, it’s time to build you a new desk!

Floppy Desks

Desks are great, unless you spend too long sitting at one of them and get, like, cramp or something. That’s not so great. Your backside might start to ache as well, but that’s not your desk’s fault – blame your stupid chair. Get a cushion or head off for a stroll to alleviate that, but there will be one niggling source of concern remaining.

That’s right! You need a floppy desk. These are made out of discarded floppy disks (the solid plastic bit on the outside and actual floppy bit on the inside) which have been glued together (with glue, if you’re wondering). They’re been stuck together in such a way they resemble a desk and, naturally, some bits are pretty floppy.

The natural downside is the floppy desk will sway a tad, or collapse entirely, when you place stuff on it. This is due to its lack of tensile strength (it’s made out of floppy disks, what do you expect?!), which can be improved by not putting anything on the desk. “Er… well, what use is it then?!” you might chirrup. Simples! It’s a great way to get rid of your floppy disks! We’ve got about 3,000 of them about the place.

Flappy Disks

If the floppy desk thing just isn’t memorable enough for you, perhaps consider our alternative: flappy disks. This contraption is a flight assistance device – you can make, with all your old floppy disks, a set of wings which you can glue together like a hang glider. Then, you can take to the skies courtesy of all these bits of floppy plastic with long forgotten Word documents on them.

To ensure this is safe for everyone to use, our esteemed editor, Mr. Wapojif, gave the device a trial run off the top off Manchester’s Arndale shopping centre complex. As he launched himself off the building, initial exclamations from onlookers of “Y’oreet?!”, “A meat and potato pasty please, mate!”, and “Wha’ the?! Wha’ the f*** is that dips*** doin’?!” turned to screams of dismay as Mr. Wapojif plunged unabated head first into a mound of discarded Manchester Evening News papers. Although severely concussed, he has proclaimed the device to be “in perfect working order” and will be rushing them into stores at £5,000 ($6,000) a time.

21 comments

  1. Not sure what is funnier, Mr Wapojif taking a header into the Manchester headlines, or your conversation with Holly! Well, I’ve always wanted to fly freely, like Icarus, you know. However, his wax melted. Mr. Wapojif has solved this problem by using glue. He should have taken off from a much higher structure, something closer to the sun. Then when the glue didn’t melt, Success!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s made me realise the floppy desk idea isn’t perhaps the best one going, if we’re going to get inundated with a load of crass jokes. We’re British here, you know? Sipping at tea, being polite, orderly queues – non of the other stuff!

      Like

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