Casablanca is a film which spawned many a famous quote. The 1942 film is one of those ones you feel like you have watched, even if you haven’t, but because everyone keeps referencing it in pop culture you might as well have not seen it even if you have. You know that logic makes good sense.
One of the less popular, but still enduringly popular, quotes is this one we’re looking at today and is uttered by Captain Louis Renault (Claude Rains). The usual suspects, eh? Has any phrase ever allowed for such casual embracing of stereotypes? Got to love it, but you’ve also got to wonder what exactly else they could have rounded up. Sheep, perhaps? No. It has to be more precise than that.
Round up the usual suspects
Here we go! The original. Is he sure the other guy knows who the “usual suspects” even are? You could just go out into the street and pick a load of dodgy looking geezers, you know? What’s detective-like about that? Bad deducing skills, sir!
Round up the suspects
Instead of choosing the usual suspects, why not go for suspects? True, Cutthroat Craig may be a bit of a liability and you’d class him as a usual suspect for a large percentage of heinous antisocial crimes, but it isn’t necessarily always going to be him for every single one. Next time, think logically.
Round up the unstable suspects
If someone is frothing wildly at the mouth, speaking gibberish, and waving a bloody axe in the air, he/she is unstable and, potentially, a suspect.
Round up the unusual suspects
The more unusual the better, presumably. There you go, that guy over there is wearing skinny jeans and a granddad jumper… plus, his beard is really weird. He looks very unusual.
Round up the delusional suspects
The more delusional the better – the round Earth lot, 9/11 conspiracy nuts, and anyone in skinny jeans.
Round up the diffusional suspects
Erm… whatever that means.
Round up the unconstitutional suspects
Good idea, that’ll weed out the bloody Commies.
Round up the usual subjects
You know, maths, literature, science, geography – get them all together and see if we can study them to find out what’s going on here.
Round up the usual rejects
It’s easy to spot a reject, of course, just look for those in skinny jeans.
Round up the usual insects
Particularly moths, as I like moths. Round them up and then let’s stare at how awesome they are.
Round up the beautiful suspects
Beautiful people only, please. I don’t think Captain Louis suspects them, he just wants to chat them up. The charming old dog!
Round up the suitable suspects
Suitability is subjective, of course. Perhaps Louis thinks “suitable” means dribbling maniacs wielding knives, axes, bazookas etc. We suppose he’s possibly onto something there.
Round up the reusable suspects
Indeed, round them up and make sure you can use them again in future, thusly saving time. That’s rather environmentally friendly of you, Louis.
Round up the usual skin defects
Okay now that’s just not politically correct, is it? Plus, why do you think people with skin defects would be responsible for the dilemma? Huh? Hmmm? Think logically, man.
Round up the usual intellects
You know, Einstein, Copernicus, Tesla, Darwin, Sartre etc. Get them over there and let them have a big old discussion about how awesome my Louis’ hat is.
Round up the usual landscape architects
Yeah. Erm… why? Does this situation call for landscape architects, Louis? What possible use are they going to be in that situation, you imbecile?!