Exclusive Invention: The Wallet Wall (a wall made from old wallets!)

Wallet
A wallet.

Ever wondered what you should do with a wallet when it’s no longer serving its purpose? That hole in that one bit is causing all your loose change to plunge out, that flap bit isn’t holding in your cards anymore, and the thing is tattered and, frankly, a bit of an embarrassment to you, your family, and society as a whole. It’s time to bin the bastard!

But, no, just you wait right there, sir or madam! Embrace your environmental side and collect those wallets until you have enough to build an extension onto your house. Yes! It’s the wallet wall, a wall made entirely out of wallets. With a fashionable and chic leather look, you’ll be the envy of your neighbourhood when they see that extra room on the end of your home. Here’s how to turn this all into a reality.

The Wallet Wall

If you take your living seriously, then you’ll want the best house money can buy. Building an impressive extension onto the aforementioned home is a superb way to capitalise on your fiscal opportunities. So, what better way to flaunt your cash than by obtaining an extension which embodies the very image of wealth? The wallet!

If you’re poor (i.e. a working class scumbag), then you may not quite get what we’re getting at. “House”?! “Extension”?! LOL! Fear not, pathetic wastrels, for we’re sure you’ll be able to steal enough old wallets to add some pathetic structure to the side of your dingy flat, or wherever you live.

Anyway, now the inferior people have been catered for, let’s get back to turning your mansion into a goldmine. Take all your old wallets and acquire some superglue, cement, and perhaps a building surveyor. For an extra bit, say, 30ft by 30ft you’ll need about 10,000 wallets, so get collecting. If you need additional wallets, get in touch with Professional Moron and we’ll supply you with several thousand from our secret reserve (i.e. we stole them)!

Wall, That’s Wallderful!

Once inside your wallet walls, you’ll be as snug as a bug in a rug or, to put it another way, as snug as a £10 note next to a £5. Those two are just a bit more than “friends”, we believe. Anyway, that’s irrelevant, but what is relevant is your home now has a beautiful and unique new bit on it. Just wait until you show your friends!

Indeed, when we showed our friends here at the Professional Moron office, most of them were so amazed they couldn’t even say anything! Eventually, in the stony silence, a voice piped up, “Well that’s a bit shit, isn’t it?” to some giggles and guffaws. Wrong. Abject stupidity! The wallet wall makes for a wallderful room where you can relax in pitch black, stuffy, condensation promoting silence.

Consider it like a deprivation tank, except you’re not in a tank. You won’t be firing any missiles today, sonny! You’re inside a load of wallets and it gets a bit stuffy, but it’s comfy and, also, you’ll be safe in the knowledge those wallets of yore have been put to good use. Huzzah!

One comment

  1. Now I’m just wondering who is the top and who is the bottom in the £10 x £5 relationship. Common sense would dictate that it would be the £10, but sometimes people (or bank notes) surprise you.

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