The Art of Professional Moron #3: Kitchen Utensil Special

The Art of Professional Moron
One way… to bad art!

Continuing on with our “so bad it’s great!” art, we’ve got another batch today based around the fabulous, riveting, compelling, and exciting world of kitchen utensils, cutlery, silverware, or whatever you want to call it. You know the sort of stuff – forks, spoons, knives, plates, whisks, and vacuum cleaners. Here we go, then. It’s art time!

The Bigoted Spoon

The Bigoted Spoon

Spoons are great and mighty useful for soups, but did you know they’re a bit prejudiced? Yeah, it’s all documented above.

The Scared Spork

The Scared Spork

Sporks are a work of art in their own right! As you can see above, the fork bit of the spork is a bit dismayed about this developed. The spoon section, who we later found out is called the Sweary Spoon, is a tad more antagonistic in his/her/its approach. Bravo!

The Oppressed Fork

The Oppressed Fork

The fork is oppressed. Despite this, Forky here clearly has a sunny disposition. He’s happy to take the world on with his relentless sense of cheer, which will no doubt pass onto Fork Jnr., who’ll go on to become a mighty fine fork and shovel many peas into a human face.

Butcher Knife Trauma

Butcher Knife PTSD

Unfortunately for butcher knives like Bill, the nature of their terrible work can lead to PTSD. Please forward all of your cash to Professional Moron so we can use it to buy ourselves groceries.

Deadpan Plates

Deadpan plates

Not many people know this, but plates are deadpan things. Why else would they be so rigid? Exactly. Prone to arbitrary fits of being deadpan, they’re a bit of a riot when it comes to sardonic humour. This is ironic, as they aren’t pans. They’re plates.

And finally…

The Problematic Pan

The Problematic Pan

Oh dear. It appears Peter the Problematic Pan has had enough and wants a career change. We’re not sure a ballerina is the right path to take, Pete, but we could recommend you become a skillet, if you have the skill for it, of course. Best of luck with that, dude.


  1. Firstly, let me commend your art department. The world of flatware is intriguing. I can sort of relate to the spoon. The elitist in me rears its ugly head when my husband refers to plastic eating utensils as silverware. How can one deal with that?


    • Thanks, it’s all down to my bungling efforts. Yeah, I’m afraid your husband has it all wrong. Plastic is plastic. Silverware is silver. Perhaps whack him with a ladle for his ignorance. That’s what I’d do.


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